


Take A Breath

by cj27



Category: Orange is the New Black
Genre: Drug and Alcohol Use, F/F, F/M, Mentions of Larry Bloom throughout, Mentions of Sex, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-20
Updated: 2014-04-27
Packaged: 2018-01-01 13:51:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1044724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cj27/pseuds/cj27
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Piper Chapman's life is falling apart before her eyes. The love of her life is dead. Her job is on the line. Her perfectly mapped out, planned future is in ruins. She meets Alex Vause, a young bartender whose soft eyes and gentle hands speak more than words could. Piper begins to admire Alex and her care-free sister and the life they have. The life which is thousands of miles away from the one she once owned. Piper doesn't want to fall for Alex, doesn't want to betray Larry but she quickly finds herself in Alex's grasp, unable to escape, lost in a world she once would never have belonged in. </p><p>Maybe together they can fix each other. Or maybe they'll just bring each other down further. Can they really be saved from themselves or is it too late for them both?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You've Got Time

_July_  
  
"This is your sixth drink tonight. What the hell happened to you, Blondie?" Alex Vause wiped down the glossed, wooden counter of the bar, her eyes glittering from behind her glasses. 

Piper Chapman sat on the other side, her dirty blonde hair pushed back behind her ears as she took a long mouthful from her drink, the flavour of watermelon, vodka and whatever the hell else was in it filling her mouth. Alex stopped wiping down the counter as she waited for her customer to answer (seriously, if she'd have known bartending meant listening to people's drunken problems and making sure they got home safely would take up most of her time, she would have considered not throwing her school grades to shit and thought more about her future. But they hadn't warned her about that at the time, had they?).  
  
"My boyfriend died." Piper untook her hair from behind her ears again, feeling a drunk sense of self consciousness growing inside her. The words felt hard and cold as they came out of her mouth. They felt wrong. She was giving information away about herself to a stranger. And not only a stranger but a highly attractive yes-I-totally-would-do-her-on-the-counter-right-now stranger. Piper mentally groaned. She was drunk, the most drunk she had been in a while. Larry would be so pissed off if he could see her right now.  
  
Alex smiled softly now as she pushed her glasses back up her nose, saying the same bullshit everyone kept saying to her - "I'm sorry to hear that, it must be awful." Yes. It was awful and Piper wanted to brush off the bartender's words. It was no one's fault. Larry was dead. That was that. But Alex's voice sounded geniune, unlike some of the sorrys she had heard lately. A sense of care sat in her eyes when Piper held her gaze and if Piper wasn't supposed to mourning right now she would shove her hands down Alex's pants and make her scream 'Blondie' until her voice was hoarse. But she was mourning so she wouldn't do that (she was also drunk so shoving her hands down anyone's pants probably wasn't a great idea). Instead she would just have another drink. That seemed like a good plan to her. Drunk meant numb. Numb meant not feeling. Not feeling meant she could forget everything and that was exactly what she wanted right now. 

Except Alex seemed intent on talking to her and if Piper wasn't drunk and actually gave a fuck, she would have stormed out in a fit of anger, telling Alex that she should mind her own buisness before flipping her off. Except Piper was drunk and didn't give a fuck. And she was rather liking the way Alex shouted over the heavy music from the dance floor behind them, the way she held her full attention as she served the bar. But who could blame her? It wasn't as if she was getting any attention at the moment, was it? With Larry gone she was having to get used to loneliness, to going to sleep in a cold bed and waking up in a cold bed. She was going to have to get used to the ache in her stomach whenever she thought about the way Larry would wrap his legs between hers when they slept, how he always knew exactly when to order the chinese, how he would get up early on Saturday mornings so he wouldn't miss The Real Housewives of Orange County. It was an ache she knew would never go away and ugh, her mind was wondering again. She had thought the being served by a hot, young bartender in a busy, loud club would keep her from her own thoughts for a while. Maybe not. Nice try Piper. 

It wasn't until she felt a soft hand touch her wrist that she realised she was crying, slow tears rolling down her cheeks and splashing onto the bar which Alex had just cleaned. She opened her mouth to apologise for making a mess on the clean surface but, as if sensing her thoughts, Alex squeezed her wrist slightly and smiled.   
  
"When did it happen?" Alex's voice was soft, unjudgmental and for that Piper was glad.  
  
She sat back and thought for a moment, doing the maths in her head. It was currently a Tuesday night so, "Like, a week ago. I think. I'm drunk, I can't even remember my last name right now. God, I'm so pathetic, look at me!" A small laugh escaped Piper's lips as she spoke, wiping the tears from her face before anyone else sat at the bar noticed her weakness. She moved her arm from under Alex's grip and picked up her drink, half because she needed something to hide behind from Alex's gaze and the other half because she really needed a drink right now because  _drunk means numb. Numb means no feelings. No feelings means forgetting._

"Let me get this straight, Blondie." Alex's tone had moved from soft to Mother-like. "Your boyfriend died a week ago and now you're sat in a shady bar, drinking shitty cocktails on your own? Don't you have family you should be with right now?" Her face was now plastered with sympathy and a hint of concern which was weird because Piper didn't know her at all and she certainly didn't want her sympathy. Alex just happened to be the woman who was tending the bar which Piper happened to have chosen to go into for tonight's bender. But she couldn't complain, it was better than sitting on her own like a complete loser rather than the slight loser she currently was.  
  
"My family live the other side of the country... They never liked Larry anyway so they aren't coming down for the funeral. And his family don't like me and since I don't have to put up with them anymore I'll see them at the funeral and that will be it." Piper laughed again, "they didn't even want me to help them arrange my own boyfriend's funeral! How fucked up is that? They don't even know his favourite song!" She didn't add in that her Father had offered to come and pick her up and take her up north to the family home to stay for " _as long as you want Piper_ ". She had refused and she hardly needed to mention that she was in no fit state for driving up to them herself; that much was obvious. The last thing she needed right now though was her Mum nagging her, telling her to eat properly and stop drinking and go to bed early and 'Piper, please just talk to me, how are you feeling?' That was the very very last thing she needed right now thank you very much.

Again, as if sensing her thoughts, Alex sighed and leaned against the counter again. Her boobs pressing against the wooden top, bulging slightly over her tight Rolling Stones t-shirt and Piper couldn't help but glance at the once, maybe twice. Okay, maybe three times but damn. She was almost sure Alex had noticed because the woman was now grinning, dimples in her cheeks and creases formed around her eyes as she did. "I get off my shift in twenty minutes, wait for me?" 

Of course Piper nodded, probably a little too desperately but she needed this. She needed to be drunk and she needed someone to take her out of her mind and Alex Vause looked like the kind of girl who could do that, with her thick framed glasses, tattoos and cute dimples. Piper needed to wake up in a stranger's room, a sense of regret and alcohol in her stomach. She needed to be held by another human, be told everything was going to be okay. She needed to feel something other than the pain of losing Larry. For the first time in a week, she needed to feel alive.

 

* * *

 

The smell of alcohol and bacon was what woke her the next morning. Her mouth tasted of crap and her eyes felt groggy and clouded. Her head however did not hurt as much as she expected it to (she was still lying face down in a face full of pillow though, who knows what would happen when she stood up). 

Wait.

Bacon and alcohol? How the hell-

"Ohhhh, Christ!" Piper pulled her hands up from under the cover and rolled over, slapping her sweaty palms onto her cheeks as she realised where she was. Alex Vause had taken her home from the bar and she was still in her house. And she was naked. She took a quick glance from the corner of her eye to the right side of the bed and breathed a slight sigh of relief. It was empty. The rest of the room was empty which was good also. She was alone. She needed to remember what happened last night. She needed to put reason to the pit of guilt which sat in her stomach. 

Suddenly the room, with it's white walls and white ceiling and minimal amount of furniture felt small, too cramped, too stuffy. Light came in through the half open curtains and Piper felt horribly aware of her nakedness. Her clothes were God-knows-where and the thumping in her head quickly arrived as she sat up. Her hair sat in a tangled mess on top of her head and she ran and hand through, the memory of Alex grabbing it sat somewhere in the back of her mind. _Alex Vause had taken her home from the bar._ That explained the guilt and also the bloated feeling of her stomach. She could only imagine the mess she must look like right now. 

She needed to get out of this room. The guilt was overpowering, the self hatred all she could think of. Larry. She had cheated on Larry. He was lying cold, hard on a metal slab and she had cheated on him. How could she have done that? She should be mourning him. She should be remembering his scent and helping his parents with the funeral whether they liked it or not. She shouldn't be here.

The duvet cover was the only piece of material in the room which would do as a cover of what little dignity she had left. She pulled it up over her shoulders, making sure it covered all the main parts of her body that needed covering and headed for the door. Panic flooded through her. She didn't even know her way round Alex's apartment, she couldn't remember from last night and she wasn't even sure if she got to see it properly before being dragged to the bedroom. 

Her head hurt, partly from the drink and partly from all the thinking.  _She needed to get out of this room._

The air in the hall was cool compared to the heat of the cramped room and Piper couldn't help but breathe a shaky sigh of relief. However, unlike the bedroom, it wasn't empty. A wavy haired woman stood to her left, her mouth the shape of an 'O' and her eyes wide as she looked Piper up and down. Piper stared back at her. She should say something. Or maybe she should just turn back round and hide in Alex's bedroom forever? Or maybe she should just kill herself on the spot? If she tied the bed sheet round her neck and fastened it to the ceiling it would be high enough for her feet to not touch the ground, right? 

"ALEX?" The woman had stopped staring at Piper now and instead was walking away, back down the small hallway and presumably towards where Alex was. "Alex you can not keep bringing womenn home and leaving them in the hallway in nothing but a bed sheet, okay? It's not good for me, I can't deal this this early, Alex. It's not good for anyone!- hey is that bacon?Girl, it's like you read my mind!" 

Her words were followed by a mumble and the shuffling of feet. Piper should move, she should go back in the bedroom, she should do something. She was stood naked in a stranger's hallway. A stranger who obviously brought women home like this often. The guilt she was feeling about betraying Larry was overcome by a new wave of shame. She had gotten drunk and gone home with stranger. There was nothing more and nothing less to it. She was shameful, horrible girlfriend. It was no wonder Larry left her. 

A pair of cold fingers were what brought her from her thoughts, they fell under her chin and pulled it up so her eyes were facing into Alex's instead of at the floor. Alex's grey, kind eyes. They looked at her with the same sense of care they held last night when Piper had told her about Larry and it wasn't until Alex's fingers moved from under her chin to her cheek that Piper realised she was crying... Again.

"Piper? Pipes, hey. It's okay, it's alright. Piper?" Alex's voice was soft and it warmed Piper's cold body. "Okay, come on, back in here." She enclosed Piper's wrist in her soft hand and pulled her back into the bedroom Piper had woken up in. It wasn't as hot as it had been two minutes ago and goosebumps quickly covered Piper's bare skin. Alex guided her and sat her down on the edge of the double bed.

"Wanna talk about it?" Alex crouched down in front of her, resting her forearms on Piper's bare legs. When she shook her head Alex sighed, stood up and went towards the chest of draws in the corner of the room, pulling out a pair of clean underwear, a baggy plaid button up and a pair of grey jogging bottoms. "Here, put these on. Think you can manage that?" This time Piper nodded and Alex placed the clothes next to her. "I'll be right outside okay, come out when you're ready and we'll get some food. That's if Nicky hasn't eaten it all yet... Right outside, okay? Take your time." 

Sure enough she was leaning with her back against the wall when Piper came out five minutes later, fully dressed and her hair now tied in a loose bun. 

"Better?"

"Better." Piper's voice sounded small compared to Alex's. But it wasn't every day Piper woke up in a strangers house and emotionally broke down naked in the hallway so.

Alex took Piper's wrist in her hand again and pulled her through the apartment. They passed another bedroom which she assumed was Nicky's and a bathroom before entering into a lounge/kitchen area. Nicky sat around a small table, a newspaper in one hand and a piece of bacon in the other. She looked up as they both entered the room and smirked a little before dropping the bacon and newspaper and wiping her hands on her pyjama bottoms. 

"So, she does know how to dress herself?" Piper's face flushed red and she looked down at the floor, leaving room for a small laugh to escape Nicky's mouth. "She's cute. I'm joking, kid." Her words only made Piper blush harder. She wanted to go back into Alex's bed and go back to sleep and never have to wake up because this. This was embarrassing.

"Ignore her, she's an idiot." Alex dropped Piper's wrist and grabbed two plates from the cupboard, loading them with strips of hot bacon. 

"Whatever, Vause. It was nice meeting you, Piper. It is Piper, right?" She flashed a smile when Piper nodded, "yeah, nice meeting you. I'd love to stay and chat but I have to go and get ready for work now." She stood up, her chair scraping across the tiled floor. "Oh, you're cooking tonight Alex. I want curry." She grinned before leaving the kitchen and heading back towards the direction of her bedroom. 

"And that lovely bundle of joy is my foster-sister. Literally just ignore most of what she says, she doesn't mean it. Especially the thing about, um, bringing girls over all the time... I, um, I don't do that." Alex tripped over her words as she spoke, since being with her last night this was the first time Piper had seen her flustered at all. A plate of bacon was shoved in front of her before she could question Alex's blush and she was instructed to eat. "It's gonna make you feel kinda shitty but it's better than an empty stomach. You need something to soak up all that alcohol from last night, Blondie. Speaking of last night." Alex paused as she shoved bacon into her mouth, Piper tensed. She didn't want to talk about last night. Talking about it would mean it happened and she wouldn't be able to push it to the back of her mind and forget about it. 

"You know we didn't have sex, right? You were pissed out of your head and I'm not an arsehole. Even if I were, I didn't even get the chance to have my way with you. We made-out a bit and then you got up and puked and fell asleep- total mood kill, by the way. Your clothes are in the wash, they're probably done now. So you can wipe that horrified look off your face and forgive yourself." She pulled her glasses down off the top of her head and picked up the paper Nicky had just dropped, leaving Piper to go over the latest piece of information in silence. 

 

* * *

 

Sunday had been Larry's funeral and it was brutal. They didn't play his favourite song, didn't use his favourite colour and didn't even serve his favourite food. It was all about his parents, not about him and Piper had hated every second of it. 

They buried him at 2.30pm, it was raining but the sun was out. Her hair smelt like damp soil and her best-shoes were covered in bits of wet dirt. Polly and Pete had been there, they agreed with her. It was exactly what he wouldn't have wanted. Polly had rested her hand on her four-month baby bump and leaned against Pete's shoulder. His arm was wrapped tightly around her waist, the other shoved deep in his pocket to protect it from the wind which was oddly cold for July. She would miss that. The feel of him against her, his presents. Just knowing he was there and he was supporting her. 

It's odd. It always seems to be the things that people leave behind that hurt more than them dying. She would find one of his socks in the wash or accidently pull out his favourite mug or go to pick up the shampoo he used when she went shopping and then she would remember. Those were the things that rebroke her already broken heart. It wasn't that she couldn't talk to him anymore, it was that she would never hear the sound of his voice. It wasn't that he was dead, it was that she would never hear him breathing late at night when she couldn't get to sleep again. It wasn't that she would never get to marry him, it was that he would never know how much she loved and needed him. Those were the things that hurt the most. 

Before she knew what she was doing she'd pulled out her phone and was dialling Alex's number. " _Take it. For when you need someone to talk to,"_ Alex had said, pressing them number which was written on a piece of scrap paper into Piper's palm. She'd wanted to throw the number out, to forget all about Alex Vause and her soft, black hair but she hadn't. She'd saved the number despite her gut instinct. She knew it was a bad idea but everything in her life seemed to be a bad idea at the moment.

"Hello." 

"It's Piper, I'm coming over if you're not busy." 

"No, that's fine- are you drunk? Again?" Alex sounded slightly amused more concerned as she spoke down the phone. 

Piper looked at the quarter empty bottle of Southern Comfort in her hand (yeah, that was the shit they were serving at the after party. Who the hell does that?), "I guess." She was rewarded with a slight laugh and Alex's promise to give Piper some proper food when she arrived. If she thought saving her number was a bad idea then going over again especially was. But she was drunk and she had no one else and what the hell. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, if you are reading this then thank you so much, you are fab ily. if you're planning on sticking around and reading more of this then i'm gonna try and update at least once a month (unless no one reads it in which case i'll just abandon ship)


	2. The Animals, Trapped 'Til The Cage Is Full

_August_

"Hey, Polly?" Piper sighed and slumped heavily into the leather sofa. That's how she felt today - heavy. Her thoughts were heavy, her head felt heavy, her eyes felt heavy, her words were heavy. Even the phone in her hand felt heavy.

"Hey, Pipes! You okay?" Polly's disgustingly cheerful voice came down the phone.

"Yeah, I'm okay. You?" Piper didn't want to make small chit-chat, she wasn't in the mood. But what she was about to ask of her best friend was quite a big ask. Even if they were best friends.

"I'm great. My back hurts and Pete is stressing me out, he literally does not listen to anything I tell him!" Piper smiled at Polly's words. She liked the way that Polly and Pete's life was exactly the same as it had been two months ago. They argued daily and Polly moaned about it and then Pete ordered Chinese and they got over it and carried on. It was nice to know that despite everything, the rest of the world carries on even when your world has stopped. "But I'm getting the feeling you haven't rung to hear me moan. It's not our usual phone call day which means you must have something you want to say because, Piper Chapman, you never ring me on days which aren't phone call days unless you want something? Hm?"  

"I, um. I don't..." Piper stopped, looking for the right words as she glanced at the cardboard boxes around her. All her and Larry's life was in them. Everything. All his clothes and his work folders and his pictures, CD's, crappy DVD's - _everything_ - in separate ones to hers. She could feel the lump in her throat as she looked at them. The last time everything they owned had been in boxes had been when they'd moved in together. They both sold their apartments and bought one together, they'd moved in late afternoon and set the telly and sofa up before ordering Indian and going to bed. It had been a stressful day but it had also been one of the best days. Yet now everything was in boxes because he was gone. He had left her and she was selling their apartment and buying one nearer to the beach. One where she wouldn't have little parts of him everywhere she looked. All his stuff was to go to charity or his parents. She would keep a few of his things and that was it. Everything else had to go. 

She let out a shaky sigh and ran her fingers down her neck, blinking away at the tears which were forming in her eyes. "I've put all our stuff in boxes... The apartments a mess. I don't think I can-" 

"I'll make you up a bed in the spare room now, okay?" Polly cut Piper off, "I'll get Pete to make stir fry for dinner and I'll get the Ben and Jerry's out of the freezer now so by the time we get round to eating it, it's defrosted enough that we can actually get it out of the container. Okay? I'll see you soon." Polly hung up the phone before Piper could even thank her. That was so Polly. She couldn't help herself, she had to butt in whenever she could. Normally Piper would be annoyed at her and she would ring her back and tell her friend to stop being so rude but today she didn't even have the effort to. She didn't have the effort to do anything anymore. Suddenly stir fry with Polly and Pete and Ben and Jerry's sounded like a great plan. A plan with little effort. Nice. 

A quick shower and 20 minutes later and Piper sat in The Harper's fancy-ass kitchen, the smell of frying chicken filling her nose and a warm mug of coffee in her hands. She was watching Polly and Pete just being Polly and Pete. She always liked doing that, even before Larry died. She would watch them around each other, they just worked. They were one of the best teams she had ever seen. Before she had liked to think her and Larry were the same. That they clicked just like The Harpers did and one day they would get married and have a child like they were. Her and Larry would be a happy family. It was something they had both talked about a lot. Something they had both wanted. Piper was in line for a nice new job at work and Larry was earning more money than he ever had. They were financially comfortable, they had a nice apartment, they were _in love_ and they both wanted kids and wedding. They wanted a family. They were going to have a family, as soon as possible. They were going have a nice summer wedding and were going to be together forever. They were going to have two, maybe three kids and eventually grandchildren and they would sit around the fire with them saying "back in my day", telling them stories of the stupid things Larry always did and it would be perfect. But, as her Mother had always reminded her, nothing is perfect. 

"Piper?" Pete's voice pulled Piper back into the room and the smell of now frying onions and peppers and the cooling mug of coffee. "You okay?" Pete was leaning across the kitchen counter just like Alex had done at the bar that night, although his body was nowhere near as curvy or beautiful as Alex's was, nor were his lips as red with lipstick. He stood with his eyebrows raised as he waited for a reply.

"What? Yeah, I'm fine. I was just..." 

"Thinking?" Pete flashed her a smile before returning to his cooking. Piper didn't reply, instead she took a sip of her coffee, the hot liquid burning her tongue. "I do that a lot too, you know? I think Polly does too. I miss him a lot, Pipes. I really do." He spoke over his shoulder, adding in a pile of noddles to the sizzling pan. For the first time in what felt like forever Piper's mouth watered, she actually felt hungry. A feeling she thought she had forgotten how to do. Larry loved stir fry. It was one of the many things they had in common. When they had first met they had spoken about how beautiful a dish it was for at least ten minutes and she was zoning out again and Pete was half smiling half frowning at her. 

"Yeah, I miss him too." Piper mumbled. This wasn't a subject she wanted to talk about with Pete. Not because she didn't trust Pete or whatever, just because it was Pete and the relationship they had wasn't a 'lets have a heart-to-heart over a cup of coffee and stir fry'. "Where's Polly?" Piper suddenly noticed Polly's absence in the kitchen. 

"She went for a shower about ten minutes ago while you were daydreaming. I should probably go and get her so we can eat because I am starving!" 

 

* * *

 

Seven days later and Piper was still sat on Polly and Pete's couch. She had watched at least 20 episodes of Glee and had seen Bridesmaids the full way through three times. On the upside though, she had eaten a shit load of ice cream instead of a shit load of alcohol. An ice cream belly was better than a beer belly, right? Because that's the way she was heading at the moment. Over weight and depressed. Hello depression central, goodbye Piper Chapman as we know her. 

"Who the hell is Alex?" Polly walked into the lounge and stood in front of the telly, blocking the way of the latest argument between Blaine and Kurt. She held Piper's phone in her left hand, her right resting on her hip (she was clearly practicing the Mother-stance early, Piper thought).

"What?" Piper muttered, trying to see past Polly and her damn baby-bump. 

"Alex, he's text you like three times? Who is he and why don't I know about him?" Polly thrust Piper's phone at her just as she'd registered what her friend was asking - who was Alex? Shit. 

"Um, no one. Just someone I work with nothing important." Phew, nice one Piper. Really pulled the wool over her eyes with that stuttered reply. She didn't even bother correcting the fact that Alex was a she, not a he. Polly knew Piper only liked a few of the girls at work and none of them were called Alex. This was going to be a real mess. But she couldn't exactly explain to Polly that she had drunken sex with some woman not even a month after the death of her boyfriend. Polly wouldn't judge her, she knew that fully well. Polly knew Piper was interested in not only men so the fact she was sleeping with another girl wasn't the problem. It was more that she didn't want to explain  _why_ she was having sex with some woman not even a month after the death of her boyfriend. That was the real problem.

"Oh, really? Because he wants to meet up with you? Tomorrow?" Polly raised her eyebrows, both her hands now resting on her hips. 

"Right, yeah. Okay. Thanks." Piper should be mad at Polly for going through her phone but quite frankly she didn't have the energy. All she felt lately was drained. She went to sleep early every night but still woke up tired, she was always tired. Tired and hungry but food (other than ice cream) wasn't really sitting comfortably in her belly at the moment. She hardly had an appetite anyway. Instead she just rolled of the sofa, the bundle of blankets she was wrapped in falling to the floor and shuffled out of the lounge and towards the double doors which lead to Polly and Pete's small garden. Polly muttered something about how it was a miracle to finally see her friend on her feet and not her ass to which Piper simply flipped her off. 

She'd forgotten that it was actually summer time out and the brightness of the sun took her by surprise a little. Her bare feet were instantly warmed by the light which fell across the freshly cut grass, the smell of pollen filling her nose. She sat carefully on the edge of the wooden bench which Pete and Larry had built two summers ago and pushed her hair out of her face, the light breeze was actually quite refreshing. Maybe she should start coming out again. Or maybe not. 

She flipped open her phone and went to her messages. She'd a grand total of seven in her inbox. Two from Larry, two from Polly and three from Alex. Only one of the messages from Alex was open which was the one she assumed Polly had opened earlier. She opened the first,  _"hey, how are u?"_ The second said near enough the same, " _hope ur okay, call me if u need to talk"._

Piper sighed and closed her phone down again. Her and Alex were a mistake. They weren't friends, they weren't anything. Yet here she was, looking a caring texts. Piper could almost imagine Alex typing them out on her top-of-the-range phone, her soft eyes scanning the screen before sending it. They were all sent late at night so she must've sent them when she was working at the bar, chatting up other people and serving them drinks as she leaned across the counter with her stupid, big, lovely boobs. She was probably hoping for a reply, hoping that Piper would let her know how she was. What? Just because they had had sex once Piper was expected to keep in contact with her? Except now she wanted more than that, she wanted to meet up again. 

She opened up her phone and and stared at the texts. Polly knew that Alex wanted to meet up and Piper didn't really have an excuse to say no other than the fact that she wasn't all that keen on meeting with Alex again. But Polly didn't know that because she thought they were just work mates. She looked up at the clear, blue sky and closed her eyes. The sun was warm on her face, the breeze blowing through her hair and pulling slightly on her baggy t-shirt and pyjama bottoms, which she hadn't changed since she had arrived at The Harpers a week ago. If Larry were here he would have called her something along the lines of 'tramp' with a stupid, lopsided grin on his face. God, she missed him so much.  

"Piper?" Pete's voice followed the opening of one of the double doors.

"Hm?"

"I'm making lunch, want anything?" 

"No, thank you." Piper smiled at him, he nodded and retreated back inside. Everyday he would offer her a meal and everyday she would smile and turn him down. At first he looked a little disappointed that she was turning down his cooking but he seemed to have realised (or maybe Polly had pointed it out to him) that she just did not feel like eating. 

Once she knew she was alone in the garden again Piper pulled her phone back out, Alex's number ringing before she even had time to think about it. 

"Hi, Piper." Alex chocolaty voice came down the phone. Suddenly every bad thought Piper had had about the black haired woman only moments ago left her mind. Dammit Piper, always such a push-over for hot people, she thought. 

"Hi Alex. I just got your texts, sorry. Been a long week." No it hadn't, she just hadn't looked at her phone since leaving for Polly's on Tuesday. But that was easier than explaining that she wasn't coping well. Just like telling Polly Alex was a work mate was easier than explaining they were almost fuck-buddies. Explaining things was overrated anyway. 

"That's fine." Piper heard the noise of a chair scraping as Alex spoke. She imagined her moving away from the kitchen, probably away from Nicky's prying ears and into her bedroom, probably still in pyjamas with her hair pushed back by her glasses and the taste of bacon on her lips-  _s_ _hut up Piper._

"You said you wanted to meet up?" The words came out sounding colder than she had wanted them to but she couldn't think of anything else to say. Social skills weren't exactly her most passionate skill to practice at the moment. Plus she didn't even want to meet with Alex. Or did she? This was all far too confusing for Piper's brain to cope with. 

 

* * *

 

The next day however she was getting showered, dressed and even putting a little make-up on ready to meet with her. Polly sat on the end of the spare bed, her fingers plaiting random bits of her own hair and she spoke of the colours her and Pete planned to paint the baby's bedroom once Pete had finally white-washed the walls, "so, we were thinking cream wall, green wall, cream wall, green wall. Girls and boys like green, right? A light green though, not dark. Like, a pastel green. Are you even listening to me?" 

"Yes, yep. Cream wall, green wall." Piper ran her fingers through her hair. She looked like shit. Bags hung under her eyes and her cheek bones were sharper than they had been a few weeks ago. Whether she cared about looking shit for Alex or not though was another question. She'd had restless night sleep after a short phone call from Alex about when and where they were going to meet, thoughts on whether today was a good idea or not running through her mind. Sure it would be nice to see Alex again, she was a nice girl and she was someone new to talk to. But she and Piper had also had one, drunken on Piper's side and sober on Alex's, night of making out and another totally wasted on both their sides of possibly the hottest sex she'd ever had, which also happened to be the night of the day she had buried her boyfriend. Maybe she was just over thinking things though, she had the tendency to do that.

"I'm glad you're finally going out," Polly said as she continued to plait her hair, "you've been in this house like a trapped animal for ages now."

"For a week, Polly. That's not ages and I didn't want to go out. I still don't. I'd rather be downstairs on the sofa."

"What, watching another five episodes of Glee and rotting your own self pity and ice cream?" She stopped fiddling with her hair now and crossed her arms. Piper shot her a glare before pulling on a pair of blue _Toms_ Larry had bought her last Christmas. "I'm just saying, it's nice you're going out, that's all. Are you ever planning on going back to the apartment? Don't things need to be sorted there?" Polly questioned Piper. Yeah, a hell of a lot of things needed to be sorted there but she didn't want to go back, not ever. Now she was out of that place and it's constant reminders of what she had lost, Piper never wanted to step foot in that place again. She shrugged at Polly and took another look in the mirror. 

"I'm going." She grabbed her sunglasses and left the room, avoiding Polly's eye. The conversation about the flat was not one she wanted to have right now. Not when she was about to go and leave to meet Alex. She was stressed enough about that alone without having to look at Polly's piercing eyes as she felt like she was being scolded by a school teacher.

 

* * *

 

When Piper arrived at the small cafe Alex had arranged for them meet at though, all the feelings or unsurety were replaced with nerves. This would be the first time she had met with Alex sober. God, what an impression to make, eh? Meeting with someone more than once and them being wasted out their mind on both occasions. Note to self, Piper: next time you see a hot person and wish to make sweet love to them, ensure you are sober.

She glanced across the crowd of faces before she spotted Alex's. Her silky hair hair reflected the light, her smooth skin creasing as she looked down at the book in her hands. What did she say when she got to the table Alex sat at? Did she sit down straight away or did she wait for Alex to invite her to sit down? Should she stay only for a few minutes, see what Alex wanted to talk about and then leave or did she stay and have a proper chat? The butterflies in her stomach felt like they were going to burst through her skin and fill the small cafe. This was a bad idea and she should go back to Polly's and wrap herself up in the blankets and hide from the world for another week. Yeah, that's what she should do. She shouldn't be here, she should be at home remembering Larry. She should be clearing up their flat and taking flowers to his grave. She should not be here meeting with Alex Vause. 

Her feet didn't seem to be very connected to her brain today because she was now standing in front of Alex, who was still reading her book. Her eyes scanning the page just like Piper had imagined them scanning her phone before sending texts. "What're you reading?" Piper had to raise her voice above the noise from other customers. She was thankful Alex had picked somewhere noisy to meet; she was fairly sure the up coming conversation was going to be full of plenty of awkward silences. She was about to tap Alex's shoulder in case she hadn't heard her as Alex lifted the book, her eyes still reading as she flashed the cover towards Piper. 

" _Alice In Wonderland?"_ Piper pulled out the seat opposite Alex and sat down, the metal of the seat cold against her bare legs, "isn't that a kids book?" 

This time Alex folded down the corner of the page she was on and looked up to Piper, "have you read the book?" 

"No but I mean, I watched the film." Piper shrugged. The film was okay but she wouldn't ever want to read the book, it wasn't her kind of thing. It was too... Weird? Piper didn't do weird, she liked real. She liked crime novels, romance novels, things she could relate too. She certainly could not relate to a book about a girl falling down a rabbit hole which was probably written by a man off his head on drugs. 

"Chapman," Alex sighed, "you've let me down." She looked a Piper with a mock look of disgust (well, Piper hoped it was a mock look, anyway) before pointing at the two glasses on the table, "I got you a chocolate milkshake, I hope that's okay? The fat woman," she signaled over her shoulder towards a woman who stood behind the till towards the back of the cafe. "Yeah, she told me if I didn't order some of her shit soon she'd kick me out. Which is bullcrap, I was sat here for like two minutes." 

Piper laughed lightly and pulled one of the glasses towards her, "no, chocolate is fine. Thank you."

"No problem. So, how've you been?"

"Alright, y'know. Alright." Piper took a mouthful of the milkshake, her flavour deprived taste buds exploding.

"Alright? You said you were busy?" Alex smoothed the cover of her book.

"Yeah, I was doing... Stuff." _I should have been cleaning our apartment, helping Polly and Pete with baby things not wasting space at their place, I should have been asking how Larry's family are, I should be doing 100 things other than sitting on the couch._

 "Stuff, huh? Sounds interesting." Alex pushed her glasses back up her nose and winked.

"Why did you invite me here, Alex?" Piper pushed the chocolate milkshake away, pushing her hair behind her ears and placing her elbows on the table. Annoyance was all she felt now, the nerves and apprehension long forgotten about. 

"To see how you are, obviously?" 

"No, not 'obviously', Alex. We aren't even friends, we had-" Piper lowered her voice and leaned closer to Alex, "we had sex once. It meant nothing, not to me anyway. I'm sorry if you got the wrong idea, but the love of my life just died, I can't... I can't do this. It was one night thing, Alex. I took your number and stupidly rung it and it was a mistake." She leaned back in the seat, now grateful for coldness of the chair. The cafe was hot, too hot and she could feel her clothes sticking to her. Oh, how she would rather be back and Polly's right now eating ice cream. Or even better, with Larry, walking on the beach and kissing his face. But that was impossible because, Piper, he is dead. She would be _anywhere_ but here.

"If it meant nothing to you then why are you here? I didn't force you to come - just like I didn't force you to come to my flat. You came and you willingly got into my pants. I'm ever so sorry for, I don't know, caring about you? Maybe I did get the wrong idea, maybe I thought you actually  _liked_ me, Piper. I'm sorry that you lost your boyfriend, that really sucks. But you were the one leading people on on the night of his funeral, not me. You didn't seem to remember that though, did you? When you had fistfuls of my bed sheets in your hands and me between your legs." She spat out the words like venom, her eyes poisonous. The soft, gentle Alex was gone and all Piper could see was this one. The one who thought her and Piper could actually have a chance. The one who had just thrown Larry's death, her need for human touch in her face. Piper needed a drink - she needed to be numb. 

"Is this what you're like when you're sober, Piper?" Alex continued, "a total bitch?" She took her glasses off her face and pushed them onto the top of her head. 

 _"Fuck you."_ Piper stood from where she sat and stormed out of the cafe. How could she have been so stupid. How could she have gone to Alex's house drunk out of her head on the night she was suppose to be grieving Larry? How could she have gotten up this morning and gone to meet with her? What was she thinking? She started walking in the opposite direction to Polly and Pete's, in the direction of the liquor store. She had ten dollars on her, that was enough to get the right amount of booze to get her drunk. 

Her head was spinning and she walked towards a side of town she's rarely went to. She had lost Larry and fucked things up with Alex. Not that that mattered; she and Alex were nothing. Weren't they? 

Then why was she planning on getting drunk in a part of town she hardly knew? Hadn't she learnt from her last two experiences of getting drunk? But then again, she was a total bitch when she was sober so maybe being drunk was better. She was never going to see Alex Vause and her stupidly cute dimples again, it didn't matter whether she finally figured out how she felt about her or not. She was never going to see her again and that was a promise. A promise to herself and a promise to Larry. Not that he cares, he's somewhere else now, somewhere better than this Godforsaken planet. 

Fuck Larry and fuck Alex.

Fuck everything.


	3. Stay Awake In The Dark

The sun was starting to set into the horizon, giving the sky and warm pink glow. Piper sat crossed legged in the sand, her free fingers running through the soft grains, the others gripped around a bottle of cheap beer. The breeze made the other wise warm night chilly, goosebumps forming on her bare skin. She should have worn a jacket. But then again, she hadn't planned to be on the beach at this time in only a pair of shorts and a vest. She had planned to be in her pyjamas in front of the telly by now. Funny how things never turn out how you expect.

She brought the green bottle up to her lips, the cheap booze burning the back of her throat. It was a nice burn though. The kind of one that tells you soon everything will be forgotten and nothing will matter. Not until she woke up, anyway. She would deal with this mess then; right now she just couldn't. 

People passed her by as she sat on her own- a woman walking her dog, a couple holding hands and looking at each other all gooey-eyed, a father and his son. Just people going about their business, probably on their way home for a nice meal and soon after that bed. It was a weekday - most people have work tomorrow, school, college, places to be. Piper had nowhere to be so she took another mouthful of beer and winced as it hit the back of her throat. 

"You know, there are better places to get drunk, right?" A familiar voice spoke from behind her. Piper turned her head round, looking up at the figure. The sun was almost gone now, leaving the beach in an almost-dark state but Piper didn't need to see the face of the person to know who it was - the voice was unforgettable.

"What you doin' here?" Piper's voice was more slurred than she had expected it to be. God, what was in these drinks? She'd only had three. She turned back round and looked up at the sky again, the pink fading slowly into an orange as the sun continued to disappear. 

"I was walking past and I thought 'damn, doesn't that sorry son-of-a-bitch look like someone I know?' so I came over and sure enough, it was Piper 'Fuck you' Chapman." Alex sat down next to Piper. She had a pair of black jeans on, the same ones she wore when at the bar and a black jumper, the hood pulled over her head. Strands of her dark hair blew around in the breeze, the rest of it tucked into her hood. 

"Shouldn't you be at work?" Piper spoke flatly, she didn't have time for Alex. She just wanted to get drunk and sit on the beach. Nothing else. No Alex. No thoughts. Just drink and the beach.

"No. I start in an hour." 

"So you're here because?" Piper couldn't hide the annoyance in her voice. It was partly the drink and partly because only a few hours ago she had promised herself she would have nothing to do with the woman next to her. Yet here she was. 

"Because, Piper, it's my fucking life. I came for a walk. Sorry for not checking if your miserable ass was going to be here before hand. I'll remember to ask next time." Alex's voice was angry against the summer wind. Piper could see the fire in her eyes without even having to glance once at her, the same fire that they held back in the cafe. "Shouldn't  _you_ be at home? Don't you have work or whatever fancy crap it is you do with your life?" 

"What would be the point?" Piper half laughed before draining the last of the booze from the bottle and pulling the top off another. "What do you mean  _fancy crap?_ What is it you think I do?" Piper looked across at Alex this time. Her cheekbones were sharp in the dull light, the fire in her eyes gone now, replaced with the reflection of the sea. 

"I dunno, you look like the kinda chick who works in a nice office and has a expensive suit for everyday of the week." Alex laughed, dimples forming in her cheeks. Piper couldn't help but stare at the woman next to her. She noticed the way Alex's soft hair framed her face, sharpening her cheek bones. The way she played absent-mindedly with the fraying hole in her jeans as she looked across the beach. But most importantly she noticed the way her own body relaxed and face softened as she looked at Alex. She shouldn't be noticing any of these things; in case you have forgotten, Piper Chapman, you promised yourself that you weren't going to have anything to do with the bar tender ever again. 

She threw herself down on the sand, her back hitting the ground with a loud thud, closely followed by her head. Why can't things just be simple? Her and Alex were suppose to be simple: they were suppose to be a one night stand and that was it. Nothing more, nothing less. Alex wasn't suppose to want to meet up with her again, Alex wasn't suppose to care about her. Alex was suppose to fuel her needs for human touch, her need to feel alive for one night and that was it. Piper was suppose to use the girl for one drunken night. As harsh as that sounds, that was what they were  _suppose_ to be. 

But now they were more than that, she wasn't sure what they were but it more than just a one night stand now. Alex liked her, cared about her, wanted to be with her. And Piper, well, she had no idea. All she knew was that the love of her life was dead and she was currently drunk _again_ and sat at the beach with a smoking-hot girl who liked her and wanted to be with her and who Piper couldn't make her mind up about, but she did know that she'd beautifully pushed her away with a blunt " _fuck you_ " several hours ago. 

Losing people seemed to be Piper's specialty at the moment. Larry was gone, she'd pushed Alex away, her family hadn't spoken to her since Larry's funeral and eventually Polly and Pete would leave too. 

_You are losing everyone, Piper._

"I'm a solicitor." Piper answered Alex after a long time of looking up at the fast appearing stars. Could she really call herself a solicitor anymore? Was she really worth that job status? The bottle in her hands and state of her mind lead to the answer of no, she probably couldn't. Alex continued to speak as Piper laid on the cold sand and closed her eyes. She'd been up for hours and she was drunk and sleepy and Alex's voice made her feel warm, but that could just be the booze running through her veins. Maybe if she just fell asleep she would wake up and this would all be a dream and she wouldn't be a massive fuck up. 

Twenty minutes later though and she was forced to open her heavy eyelids and was being pulled to her feet by Alex who now had a cigarette hanging from her lips. She held gently hold of Piper's arm as she regained her balance, a smile creeping onto her lips as she watched Piper sway, the drink already gone straight to her head. In a matter of hours she would be puking up her lungs into Polly's toilet. 

"Where're we going?" Piper's words mushed into one and this time Alex outright laughed as she linked her arm through her acquaintance's and half dragged half guided her off the sand and towards the sidewalk. 

"I have work soon and I'm not leaving you alone on the beach in this state," she looked Piper up and down, "even if you are a bitch." She smiled around the cigarette. 

"Ya'know," Piper slurred, thinking out loud, "I'm not normally such a bitch... I don't think. Or maybe I am now..." Alex sighed a laugh from next to her, the smoke from her cigarette blowing into Piper's face.

"I'm sorry." Piper looked at Alex who nodded and took the cigarette from her mouth and placed it between Piper's lips, they were painted the same shade of red they were the night they'd first met.

"You need it more than I do." 

 

* * *

 

Polly was what woke Piper up the next morning. She lay face down on the sofa, her left arm and leg hanging of the edge of the leather chair and a blanket thrown over her waist which she certainly didn't remember being there when she fell alseep. A steaming mug of coffee was placed on the glass table in front of her, the smell triggering a wave of nausea. 

"It's Alex." Polly held out Piper's phone in her hand. She looked down at Piper but didn't mention the state of her friend, despite the frown creasing her forehead. 

"You answered my phone?!" Piper sat up, regretting the movement as last nights drinking session hit her like a train.  

"Yeah, I did! I wanted to know what the hell happened last night!" Polly spoke the a worried Mother as she looked down at her friends sorry state. It quickly disappeared though when she glanced back down at the phone in her hand, "you never told me Alex was a girl?" 

"Didn't I?" Piper snatched her phone from Polly and glared at her, pushing her towards the living-room door with a light shove. She seemed to get the message and turned to leave, not before giving Piper a quick show of her middle finger though. 

"Hey, Alex?" 

"Well, you sure as hell sound like a healthy specimen of a human this afternoon, don't ya Blondie? I was going to ask how you feel but I think I've got my answer." Alex's voice was almost mocking as she spoke down the phone and Piper simply groaned a reply. "I won't be long, I just wanted to say- well, I was going to tell you last night but what would be the point? Do you even remember what happened yesterday?" 

"Probably not, I haven't exactly tried to just yet though," Piper sighed. She slid her free hand through her dirty blonde hair and shifted so she was sat on the sofa rather than slung across it. The dry taste of alcohol and cigarettes sat at the back of her mouth. She still wore the same clothes she'd put on to leave yesterday and judging by the way her eyelashes stuck together slightly every time she blinked, she still had the her makeup on too. The memory of the meeting Alex in the cafe sat uncomfortably in her mind but, thankfully or unthankfully, what happened after did not. However it was a wonder Alex was even making the effort to call her after the show Piper had given her across the table yesterday afternoon. She knew for a fact that if their roles were reversed then she would not be calling Alex ever again. 

Alex laughed a response and Piper felt her stomach clench. Whether it was last night's drinking session trying to make a reappearance or not, she had no idea.

"Well, I'll keep it quick because the likelihood of you puking in the near-future is pretty high. I, um-" Piper heard Alex's voice stall the same way it had when they were eating bacon the first time Piper had made a fool of herself in the presents of the bartender.

"I know I got the wrong end of the stick, Piper, but I'm not going to apologise for it because I still really like you... Despite the whole drinking-issue-self-hatred-total-bitch thing you've got going on. And I'm still pretty pissed off that you lead me on but, whatever. I know I got the wrong idea and it was stupid of me, I mean, you've just lost your boyfriend for Christ sake, what was I thinking?" Alex huffed out a small laugh down the phone. Guilt hit Piper in the stomach; Alex was right. Piper had lead her on, she had gone to her the second time, she had agreed to meet up with her. All the time she wasn't even thinking about what it must have looked liked from Alex's point of view, she had just worried about her own little problems. Thoughts from last night on the beach slowly returned to her, she really had just used Alex for her own stupid needs and, at the time, had thought nothing of it. God, have you always been this selfish Piper? 

"So, wanna just be friends? No strings, no sex, just friends." Was the last thing Piper had expected to come out of Alex's mouth.

 

* * *

 

 Two days and several lectures from Polly later and Piper woke up to the sound of her phone vibrating on the bedside table. The summer sun fell through the crack in the curtains and had spectacularly managed to land directly on Piper's pillow. She reached out for her phone before it woke the entire street up  - for a setting which was suppose to be quiet it was really rather not quiet. 

Piper didn't even look at the name on the dimmed screen before she answered, "do you know what time it is?"

There was a moments silence before a woman's voice replied, "yeah Piper, it's nine in the morning... Have you just woken up?"

"Alex? What the fuck?" Piper sat up, blinking away the sleepy dust in the corners of her pale eyes.

"You're really are not a morning person, huh?" She could hear the smile Alex's face as she spoke down the phone, probably already showered, fed and fully dressed.

"I used to be." She used to just get up and do stuff -  work, cleaning, cooking, seeing family, work. She used to do a lot of work, but she couldn't do that until they told her to come back. All she had to do at the moment was family and that wasn't a particularly pleasant experience dead boyfriend or no dead boyfriend. So she'd figured what was the point in getting up if she'd nothing to get up for anymore.

Alex laughed, there was shuffling in the background and then the slamming of a door. "Well, I'm coming by to pick you up in ten minutes. So get dressed and eat and do whatever-the-hell else it is you do in the mornings, Chapman. Bye." With that she hung up and Piper was left staring at her phone. What stuff did Alex Vause have for her to do? More importantly how did she know where Polly's apartment was?

_Oh._

"Polly!" Piper slipped out of bed and stormed downstairs where she could hear Polly banging a bowl and spoon together. "Polly Harper!"  

 

* * *

 

Half an hour later and she and Alex stood outside Piper and Larry's apartment. The heavy dark oak door looked more faided than she remembered, the plant to the left of the door was most certainly dead. Alex picked up one of it's leaves and smirked slightly. 

"Ready?" She held Piper's door keys in her hand. Somehow both Polly and Alex had managed to convince Piper that now was as good a time as any to come back and clean up the apartment (apparently they were talking for longer than a few seconds on the phone the other day and had kindly arranged a plan to get Piper here). Once it was cleaned up she could sell it and buy some place new. However that didn't mean she wanted to be here, her body was rigid as she nodded. Yes, she was probably as ready as she would ever be. 

Alex nodded and pushed the key into the lock, clicking it open before pushing the door. The familiar smell of what had been hit Piper, she'd forgotten how he smelt, how _they_ had smelt. Alex stepped inside first, flicking on the hallway light and dropping her bag and the bottom of the stairs. She turned round to see Piper still stood in the hall outside, her eyes taking in the apartment she hadn't been to it what felt like forever now. 

"Come on," Alex grabbed Piper's wrist and pulled in inside, shutting the front door with the kick of her heel. "The quicker we get this over with, the better. Once we've got all this sorted," she motioned at the piles of clothes, books and boxes on the wooden floor, "then we can leave 'n it'll be ready for selling." She gave Piper a bright smile and smoothed her thumb over the inside of the wrist she still held. She was right, of course, Piper knew that. 

The first thing that needed to be done though, was checking the phone. It was most likely going to be full of messages from work, family, friends - the very things she'd been avoiding for weeks. But it needed to be done, there was no more running anymore, it was time to get life back together again. She turned on the answer machine and waited for the dull woman's voice to tell her how many people had left her a message she didn't care about whilst Alex began to work on one of the piles of clothes at the far end of the hallway. She sat on the floor, folding the clothes carefully and placing them in another neater pile. 

" _You have four new messages."_

Four. That isn't so bad considering she hadn't checked them since after Larry's funeral which had been three weeks ago now. She could deal with four.

" _First new message received  July 31st."_ The tone was followed by a familiar voice, "Hey Piper, it's Amanda. I just thought I'd check in and see how you are. Don't worry about work, we'll give you a date sometime and you can let us know if you're comfortable with it. We're all here for you if you need anything. Okay, bye!" 

"That your boss?" Alex called over her shoulder, the pile of clothes looking considerably neater than it had done when they'd entered.

Piper sighed. Yeah, that was her boss alright and she was going to be pissed when Piper finally rung her back. That message was from three weeks ago, just three days after the funeral. Amanda was nice but that didn't mean she didn't lose her shit when she wanted to and she made no exceptions. Piper pushed her hair behind her ears and waited for the next one.

" _Second new message received  August 1st."_

"Hey, it's your Mother. You haven't answered any of my calls, I hope you're okay. Ring me and we can talk, we're all worried about you Piper. The offer still stands from your Father, if you want him to drive down and get you then he can do that. You can stay here as long as you want Piper-" She switched off the message before it continued. It was probably ten minutes long and ended with her Mom crying or giving her a lecture and, listening to either of them really wasn't what she wanted to hear right now. 

" _Third new message received August 7th."_

"Pipes, it's Cal. Mom told me to call, she won't stop asking me if I've spoken to you, which obviously I haven't. Seriously, I moved into the middle of nowhere so she'd leave me alone but it's literally never ending. Anyway, I spoke to Pete last night he said you're okay but you're not eating and you're drinking a lot. Whatever, it's not my business, I didn't tell Mom that though, don't worry. So yeah, call us sometime. Hope you're okay, luv ya!" 

Piper smiled, Cal was a douche, yes, but also the best brother she could ask for. 

"Didn't know you had a brother?" Alex was now done with the clothes, she was flicking through an old car magazine that Larry had accidentally brought back from the dentist one time. Piper nodded and waited for the final message.

" _Fourth new message received yesterday."_

"Piper, it's Amanda again. Just ringing to say your starting day back is September tenth. Hope that's okay with you, bye." The message was short and sweet and it left Piper with a bad taste in her mouth. She pulled the plug out of the answer machine and turned to Alex who had put the magazine back in the box she'd found it in. 

"Well, she didn't sound like a happy bunny." She grinned and followed Piper into the kitchen which was reasonably cleaner than the hallway. 

"Yeah, I'm in the shit when I go back. They'll probably sack me but whatever. I don't even care anymore." She moved to the fridge and pulled out two of Larry's beers. That wasn't entirely true, she did care about her job. A lot. She enjoyed doing it, she liked being busy. Alex seemed to be reading minds again though because she had the 'I-know-you're-talking-shit' look spread across her face again, however she didn't say anything. Instead she took the green bottle from Piper's outstretched arm and pulled of the top easily which, thanks very much, was unbelievably attractive. 

Alex pointed to several photos which were stuck to the fridge, "is that him?" 

Piper turned and looked at the photos. The one Alex was pointing at was one from a few years ago when they went on a trip to Canada. They both stood knee deep in snow, each of them looking dramatically larger than their true frames thanks to the many layers of, hats, gloves, jumpers and the added snow suits on top. Larry had his arms wrapped tightly around Piper's waist, they both grinned at the camera as it took the picture. It was the first holiday they'd been on together and Piper had been saving her money for months before. It was one of the best trips Piper had ever been on. She swallowed the lump in her throat and blinked away the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes (she was not going to cry infront of Alex again) and took the photo down, folding it in half and dropping it to the floor in a pile she seemed to remember labeling as 'throwing out things' the last time she was here. "We should get started." 

An entire hour later and the apartment was looking no better. Alex had managed to put books from the bookshelf into boxes, every now and then turned her nose up, asking Piper if she "seriously read this shit?" to which Piper just laughed and told her they were better than _Alice In Wonderland,_ earning her an object being thrown at her head. In all honesty she was glad she was here with Alex and not Polly. Because despite the weird relationship they had, despite the fact they didn't really know each other and Piper had some really confusing, mixed emotions about the girl (like seriously, she hated her guts the other day and now they were friends? Friends who notice how damn attractive the other looks as she pulls books down from the shelf and glances over their blurb? Yeah, this was kinda confusing) she enjoyed Alex's company.

"Don't you think this is kinda weird?" She called over her shoulder, placing another box of candles she'd just found at the back of draw into the 'keep' box. 

"What?" 

"Well, we hardly know each other and now we're cleaning out my house together? Plus I'm a total bitch and you have better things to be doing." 

"I was wrong the other day, you're not a _total_ bitch, just a bit of one." Alex laughed and moved to stand next to Piper, pushing her glasses up her nose. "And for the record, if I weren't here I'd probably be in bed still or at Nicky's work pissing her off," she smiled, "why don't we play the you ask me a question, I ask you a question game, then you can stop moaning that we don't know each other and I can keep my brain entertained; no offence but this is boring as hell." 

"The what game?" 

"I ask you something and you answer, you ask me something and I answer and we carry on until we get bored or run out of questions. But if you're too slow answering the question or asking a question, you gain a point. The person with the most points loses." She explained carefully, eyeing Piper's face as she spoke. 

"Where did you learn this?" 

"Foster care, you gotta do something to pass the time. Plus there's tons of kids coming and going but you gotta live with them, so we did this so we all got to know each other quickly. It's easier than finding out someone has a serious allergy before you plant the item in their meal as opposed to when they start to die at your feet. You got any allergies?"

"Nope, not one. You?" 

Alex nodded, "sea food. My body just can't seem to do sea food. How come you don't wanna see your family?" 

"They're very in-your-face people, I never get a second to breathe when I'm with them. Me and Cal, my brother, both moved away as soon as we could. It's suffocating at the best times, never mind when someone's died. Why did you call me again, after I was an complete arsehole to you?" 

"Rule on, Miss Chapman: I am not easy to push away. Especially when I like someone." She nudged Piper with her elbow, "did you not want me to call you?" 

"No, of course I did it's just if I were you I would have never called me again!" She stood and thought for a few seconds, this game was harder than she thought it was going to be. "Did you always want to be a bartender?" Bit of a lame question there, Pipes. 

"No way, it just seemed like an easy option. Plus I threw all my grades to crap, it was kinda the only option I had. Did you always wanna be a fancy-pants solicitor?"

"Yeah, it pays good and it's interesting I guess. How come you were in foster care?"

"Dad's a grade-A drunk jerk and Mom died when I was kid." She answered, matter-of-factly. She tore her eyes away from Piper and looked down at the boxes at their feet.  _Nice one Piper._

"I'm sorry," She placed her hand on top of Alex's, not knowing what to say. They stood like that for a few, silent seconds. Each of them lost in their own thoughts, Alex's of her parents and Piper's of what life must've been like for the young girl. Piper had never thought about how privileged she'd been, she'd just taken it all for granted. She still did, really. Up to last month she'd had the perfect family, friends, job, house and boyfriend. The only difference between then and now was the boyfriend, house and possibly now the job bit. She still had the perfect life in comparison to Alex though, who was the one to break the silence. 

"I get a point, I didn't ask another question." She smiled softly, her grey eyes tracing Piper's fingers. "How come you've so many fucking candles?" She pulled her hand from under Piper's and picked up one of the many boxes of the scented waxes.

Piper smiled, her eyes wrinkling. Yeah, she really liked spending time with Alex Vause. 


	4. Count Mistakes

_September_

By the end of August Piper had moved all her stuff into a Lock-N-Store warehouse across town, sold her apartment, found a gorgeous new place opposite the beach, cried over the price, been convinced by Alex and Polly to buy it, bought it and moved all her stuff into her new home. It was easily the busiest two weeks of her life. 

The apartment she'd bought was the place of her dreams. It was open planned with large windows and a balcony. The bedroom wasn't too big but it wasn't too small either. The bathroom was en-suite and the shower had the perfect water pressure. The walls were all painted pale, warm colours and the floor was a dark oak. The evening sun fell straight through the windows, giving the place a soft orange glow - Larry would have loved it. 

It had only taken her the first week of September, three bottles of wine and one mental breakdown to unpack everything and put it all in its rightful place. Considering how things could have gone, that wasn't so bad. However now she had nothing to do, she didn't start work for another three days and the quiet and boredom she used to enjoy was starting to drive her insane.

Living alone was not how she remembered it. Maybe she'd just lived with others for too long now to appreciate the time she had to herself. Before, when Larry had occasionally worked weekends, she'd loved having the day to herself. Just sitting in front of the telly with a bowl of crisps, or popcorn, and watching crappy day time telly by herself. Although there had never been the same quiet in the old apartment. Here, the crash of the sea waves and voices of others could hardly be heard through the thick windows. There had always been some form of background noise before, whether it was people arguing in the streets, traffic outside or the neighbour having ridiculously noisy sex with another different man. There had always been something. Here though, all she could hear was the odd floorboard creaking or door slamming.

Piper never thought she'd say this, but she actually missed the noise.  

For September, it was still remarkably warm out. Not so warm that you could not wear a form of longer trousers or a thin jumper, but warm enough that you didn't need three layers on. With that in mind, Piper changed out of her pyjamas and pulled on a pair of quarter-length jeans, loose vest and a hoodie. She needed to leave the house for a little while, before she actually did go crazy. 

She had picked to live across the road from the beach for a reason; it was her favourite place to be, no matter what time of year it was. But this time of year it was particularly beautiful. Autumn, just after spring, was her favourite time of year. It was when the leaves started falling from the trees and covered the streets in a crunchy layer. The air smelt of rain and damp trees and the sky had that grey-blue look about it. Sure, everything around her was dying but it looked pretty and it meant she was closer to it being acceptable to wear knitted jumpers all day, everyday. 

Today the waves were rough, they crashed against the stones and sand, spraying salty water up into the air. She dumped her flip-flops down on the ground next to her and sat down, her toes and fingers curling round the soft grains. It was late afternoon and by now the sun had made it's way across the sky and was beginning to make it's way back behind the horizon again. She breathed in a deep breath of the fresh sea air, her body relaxing as she did. Even before Larry's death, she always came here when she needed to catch a break, to escape from reality for a little while. There was something about watching the waves and tracing the horizon that made everything okay again. 

Although it appeared she could not catch a break today. The phone in her back pocket started to buzz and she unwillingly pulled it out and hit the answer button.

"Hi Pipes! You busy?" Alex's familiar voice came through the speaker next to Piper's ear. "Are you at the beach? You're not drunk, are you?" She could hear the smile spread across the bartender's face as she spoke, probably remembering the event which took place on these same shores only a few weeks previous (they had made a deal not to speak about Piper's embarrassing drunk behaviour, however that did not stop Alex's sly comments every now and then).

"No, I am not drunk! For the last time Alex: I do not have a drinking problem!" 

"Yeah, whatever." Alex's laugh caused Piper to smile despite the fact she was being picked on _again._  "Well, if you're not busy tonight, me and Nicky are having a party thing. Up for it?" 

Piper was about to ask why Alex was planning a party and not at work, but then she remembered the lucky bastard got three nights off a week. And apparently tonight was one of those nights. 

On one hand, she had nothing else to do. It wasn't as if she had anyone or anything to get back for at her apartment and the idea of a party sounded great, especially one being held by Nicky and Alex. From what she'd heard, their parties were always good.

But on the other hand, was she really up for a party? She hadn't actually seen anyone but Polly, Pete and Alex since the end of July, she only vaguely knew Nicky and there was bound to be a ton of people she'd never met before there. Drink was also an issue. Alcohol was something she was trying to not have because 1) she did not have a drinking problem so avoiding it was no problem (yeah right Piper, keep telling yourself that) and 2) she had work in three days and she would rather turn up on Tuesday like she had control over her life, rather than have everyone pitying her and her sorry state.

She sat and thought about this for several minutes before Alex spoke again, "if you're coming, be here for ten-ish, bring whatever you want. You can stay over if you like and I'll give you a lift back tomorrow." There was the sound of Nicky shouting something in the background and Alex gave a quick 'bye' and hung up, leaving Piper with the impossible decision. 

To party or not to party.

 

* * *

 

By twenty-past ten, Piper stood outside Alex's apartment. She had a bottle of half empty wine in one hand and a packet of crisps in the other. Whether Alex meant crisps and old wine when she'd said 'bring whatever', Piper wasn't sure. It had been more than a while since she'd done the whole party-thing. Getting old, Chapman.

Whoever it was who opened the door though, was not Nicky nor Alex. It was a short woman, whose lips were painted a rather vibrant shade of red. 

"You Piper?" She spoke with a thick New Jersey accent, a stream of smoke escaping her lips. Piper was no expert, but she certainly was not smoking a cigarette.

"I- er, yeah. Piper. I'm Piper."  _Goddamn Piper, could you not just be smooth for once?_

"Um okay, cool. Come in." The short woman shifted so Piper could pass through. She was hit by a wall of thick smoke and a smell she hadn't smelt since high school - the sickly smell of pot. The lights were dim and the sound of a rock band Piper had never heard of played through the speakers. The drawn curtains and crowd of people made the apartment feel less inviting than the soft cream sofa and carefully placed furniture had made it feel the last time she were here. She followed the short girl through into the lounge, the wine and crisps in her hands feeling remarkably out of place. 

"Vause! Your girlfriend is here!" The Chicago accent shouted over the music.

"Not my girlfriend, Morello." Alex appeared from the kitchen area, she gave 'Morello' a stern look before turning to Piper. "Hey! I didn't think you'd come?" She grabbed Piper's free hand and dragged her away from the now giggling 'Morello' and into the kitchen. 

"Yeah, well. Full of surprises I guess. I, um, brought some stuff." She held up the crisps and wine, a small grin spreading across her face as Alex laughed. "Is Morello really her name?" 

"It's her last name, but no one calls her Lorna. I heard the last person who did she murdered." Alex smiled, taking the snacks and drink from Piper and placing them on the kitchen side. "Oh, this is Joe." She motioned towards the guy who stood in the corner of the small kitchen, "I work with him at the bar. Joe this is Piper, I met her at the bar... My life revolves around the bar..." She mumbled, attempting to clear up some of the empty cups, food wrappers and cigarette butts.

Joe was probably over six foot tall, he made Alex look like a midget and she was pretty tall herself. He gave Piper a small wave a continued to nod his head to the music and drink his beer. Chatty guy, Joe. Piper gave him a smile before grabbing the near-full bin bag and holding it open for Alex.

"Thanks. Parties are stressful when you're not drunk." Alex sighed, dumping the trash into the bag. "Especially when they involve Nicky's friends. Do you want a drink?" She motioned towards the table which was covered in different alcohols. 

Piper should say no. After all, she was trying to get completely sober for work. But the idea of a drink and a good evening was far too tempting for her to ignore. _Getting your life back in order, yeah right Piper_. She picked out a bottle of beer. Just one, she thought. One would be fine.

"Most of these guys are Nicky's friends," Alex continued, taking a beer for herself and pulling the top off in that ridiculously attractive fashion she did it in. She motioned for Piper to follow her through to the lounge again, "they're all weird and high but they're pretty sweet people... Apart from maybe him." She pointed to each guest, giving their name and whether they were her or Nicky's pal. Most of them did appear to be friends of Nicky and Piper could see why Alex thought they were a handful. When she said they were all high, she wasn't lying. The strong smell of pot was still noticeable and even Nicky looked out of it. Not that Piper really knew Nicky, she might always look out of it.

"Guys," Alex shouted from beside Piper, tapping on the side of her bottle. "This is my recently widowed, alcoholic friend Piper Chapman. Be nice to her, have a great time and share your drugs!" She flashed Piper a smile before disappearing back into the kitchen, leaving Piper awkwardly smiling at a bunch of strangers. Suddenly her quarter-length jeans and vest top did not feel at all appropriate compared to the outfits some of her fellow guests were wearing (fishnet tights though? Really? Didn't they go out of fashion about ten years ago?)

It didn't take long for Nicky to catch Piper's eye. She sat between Morello, who had her legs draped lazily over Nicky's, and a blonde girl who Alex had named Tricia. All three of them beamed at her from across the room and since they were the only people who seemed to be paying any attention to Alex's widowed, alcoholic friend, Piper made a move towards them. 

"Come on, Chapman." Nicky shouted, grabbing Piper's free hand and pulling her into the gap the three of them had made on the sofa. 

"So this is the girl Alex is dating?" Tricia placed an arm over Piper's shoulder. She smelt weird, like a mixture of mud and watermelons and a long tattoo could be seen as she threw her head back, laughter escaping her lips, "your face! I'm jokin', I'm jokin'!" Her long blonde hair fell in front of her face as she laughed at Piper's expense. 

"Ignore her, she's crazy." Nicky nudged Piper's elbow and rolled her eyes, but apparently Tricia's laugh was infectious and soon she was laughing as well. 

"Why does everyone think we're dating?" Piper asked once the laughter on Tricia's part had died down. She looked between the three girls, each of them smirked at her. "What? What is it?" 

"Nothing." Nicky glanced at Tricia and another round of laughter broke out. You know when you have awful flash backs of your first day at high school, and you tried sitting on the cool table at lunch and they all laughed and you knew they were laughing at you, not with you? Well, that was exactly how Piper Chapman felt right now: like a high schooler again. The idea of getting up and going to find Alex in the kitchen was all too tempting, but her manners told her to stay. So instead she sat through the laughter, sipping slowly on the beer in her hands.

"Okay, okay shut up now. We hardly know her and we're making her blush!" Nicky wiped her eyes after several minutes of 12-year-old like giggling. 

"Oh my God, she's adorable." 

"I can see why Alex likes her." 

"Should we bless her into the group?" Morello mumbled to her friends, leaving Piper frowning at all three of them again. Bless her into the group? What?

"I dunno, Alex'll be mad at us." Nicky waved her hand in the direction of the kitchen, rolling her eyes for the second time.

"Alex needs to lighten the fuck up... Come on, it'll be funny!" Morello pouted at Nicky. What the hell were they planning and did Piper want in on it?

Nicky leaned forward, pushing Morello's legs off her lap. "Okay, but if she agrees then I had nothing to do with it. It was all you two, I am not getting the blame for this shit." She lit a cigarette and left the sofa, heading the direction of the bedrooms, leaving Piper alone with Morello and Tricia's grinning faces. She was about to ask what was going on when Morello pulled a little plastic bag which held three white pills from her back pocket. 

"Wanna get this party started?" 

 

* * *

 

 "I think I'm deaded." Piper looked up at Alex. The sunlight of the new day burned her eyes as she squinted. She was sprawled across the floor, the ceiling above her span round and round and round and God, had it always been this bright? Her mouth tasted of dry dirt and the air smelt oddly sweet. Every muscle in her body ached and her ears were ringing. Yes, definitely dead. 

"Piper open your fucking eyes." Alex knelt down beside her friend, taking one hard look at her with her grey eyes. They flicked between Piper's squinting greens, a frown creasing her forehead. She brushed Piper's blonde locks out of her face and placed two fingers against her neck, her frown quickly disappearing and was replaced with a gasp. "You're right! Piper, you're dead!" 

"Oh my God, oh my God. Polly is going to be so mad." Dead, she was dead. 

"I'm joking, you idiot. And deaded isn't a word. Come on, sit up." She grabbed Piper under the armpits and leaned her against the sofa rather than spread across the soft carpet. "Look at me again." Her voice was demanding and Piper looked up into Alex's calm eyes. A sense of warmth grew inside her, maybe that was just the ache of her muscles still but she smiled lopsidedly anyway as Alex cupped her cheeks in her warm palms. She could fall back to sleep again right here if it weren't for Alex's shouting. 

"NICKY GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW." The bartender's calm eyes were now full of fire. She dropped her hands from Piper's cheeks and stood up, crossing her arms the same way Piper's Mother used to do when she was really angry, normally at Piper for staying out all night at a party.  _  
_

Nicky poked her head round the lounge door, her mass of thick hair bouncing round her face. "Yeah?"

"What the fuck did you give Piper?" Her voice boomed. 

"I didn't give her anything, Alex. You're always so quick to blame me. She's  _your_ girlfriend, not mine. Why weren't you looking out for her?" Nicky's voice grew louder with every word. 

"Jesus fuck. Piper is not my fucking girlfriend." 

"Oh, shut up Vause. Everyone knows you both want to get in each other's pants."

"Fuck off, Nicky." 

"No, you fuck off Alex. It was not me, okay. It must've been Morello or one of your druggy friends." Nicky answered just as Morello entered the room. She looked exactly as she had done last night, her hair and make up perfect. The only difference was that she currently only wore her underwear, the only other item on her was a mug of what smelt like coffee. 

Alex slowly looked her small, nude frame up and down before looking back at Nicky, raising her eyebrows at her sister and saying, "you two are together again now?" 

"What?! No! I'm gettin' married this year!" Morello hid behind her the pale blue mug in her hands, a blush creeping up her neck. 

"Bullshit." Alex scoffed. She looked between the two women, a smile playing on her lips as they both blushed. The three of them stood in an awkward silence for what seemed like forever, Morello sipping at her coffee, Nicky staring at the floor and Alex simply watching them both in amusement. Only it was Piper who interrupted the moment. It seemed the three of them had forgotten she was still sat on the floor and didn't remember she was there until she made a groaning noise.

Sweat was now plastered along Piper's forehead, a lump forming throat as she tried to move her still, aching body up from the cream carpet. 

"Shit, fuck. Piper, are you okay?" Alex rushed across the room, her arms hooking under Piper's as she dragged herself up off the floor. "Help me!" Nicky grabbed Piper's other arm, both the girls supporting her.

"I- Sick." Was all Piper could manage to say. They both seemed to get the message though, and they half-dragged the blonde girl to the bathroom before the content of her stomach ended up across the lounge and/or hallway. 

20 minutes later and Alex sat on the edge of the bathtub and Piper was still leaning over the toilet, occasionally gagging. 

The effects of whatever it was she took from Morello last night were still wearing off, but the world seemed a little clearer now and Piper was fairly aware that she was not dead thanks to the embarrassment and shame that filled her entire body as she sat on the tiled floor with her hair soaked in sweat and the acid taste of vomit in her mouth. This, she thought, is why you don't drink cheap beer and take strange white pills from people you hardly know and proceed to dance for an entire night. Also Pipes, try not chuck up your guts the next day, that's always an attractive move - not. 

Alex had begun to run hot water into the bathtub, steam quickly filling the small room and the smell of lavender bubble bath made Piper feel ill all over again. Another round of puking threatened to begin when Alex spoke.

"So, who gave the drugs?" She said softly (although Piper knew if she found it out it had been Morello who handed her the pill then the softly would be quickly swapped for something much more violent). "And why did you take them? I didn't have you down as a drug type of girl, Pipes." 

"Neither did I... And I can't remember." Piper lied, hiding her face from Alex's; the girl could read Piper like a book and she knew it. "Hey, do you really wanna get in my pants?" She grinned from over the toilet seat, her messy hair falling in front of her face as she looked towards Alex.

There was a beat before Alex sighed. She stood up and made her way towards the door, the floorboards creaking underneath her. "I'll go and get you some clean clothes." She muttered, closing the wooden bathroom door behind her as she headed in the direction of her bedroom, leaving Piper on the floor wondering if she'd just put her stupid, big foot in it. Again. 

 

* * *

 

Tuesday came around quickly and Piper, now sober, found herself walking slowly to work, a coffee in one hand and her phone in the other. 

"So, Morello and Nicky are together?" 

"No," Alex explained to her, "they were... I think. I'm not sure. But Morello says she getting married but every now and then they hook back up again. I dunno, it's confusing and I stay out of it. Nicky's still pissed at me for saying what I said on Sunday. I'm pretty sure she's head-over-heels for Morello, though." 

Piper had called Alex the second she'd left her flat, partly because walking to work on your own was boring but also because Alex's voice calmed the nerves that were currently running through her every fiber. She felt wrong, in her nice work dress and high-heels ( _"It's just because you've been off for so long, and everything's different now. You'll be fine, trust me._ " Polly had encouraged her this morning before hanging up to go to her full-of-pregnant-women yoga class).

"Is everyone you know gay?" Piper smiled, drawing her attention away from work and back to the conversation. She was pretty sure she remembered Tricia and a brunette dancing in a way that was certainly not platonic, and by the end of the night Joe was making out with some dude in the corner. 

"Yes. The woman who raised us decided she would create an army of homosexuals and once every year we would find new members, hold parties and eventually take over the world." Alex's voice was serious but Piper could see her smiling at the other end of the phone. She would be wrapped up in her duvet covers, probably smoking a cigarette and she had those adorably cute dimples in her cheeks, her glasses sliding down her nose as she smiled and Piper shut up. Focus on the matter in hand for once. 

"I knew it. Anyway, I'm here. I gotta go. I'll see you later." The office building came into view as she turned the corner. The nerves Alex had been preventing her from feeling came flooding back, the feeling of wrongness grew stronger as she tugged consciously on the hem of her dress.  _Come on Pipes, you can do it._

They said their goodbyes, Alex wished her luck and she suddenly found herself alone in front of the electronic sliding doors. They moved aside as she approached them, the familiar smell of freshly printed paper and the noise of keyboards typing and phone's ringing hitting her. 

Back to Hell or back to normality? 

That was all dependent on how today went. No pressure then. 


	5. The Sun Is Out, The Day Is New

_December_

The rest of the year past surprisingly quickly and soon Christmas was near and everything was, well, almost normal in Piper Chapman's life. 

Larry was gone and there was nothing she could do about it. She still loved him, of course she did. But she couldn't bring him back again and that was something she had finally started getting used to. For the first time since summer part of her started to feel alive again, truly alive. Not the fake alive she felt when she spent the night with Alex, or when she got drunk on the beach. Alive in the sense that she had something to live for. She had a life of her own and with or without Larry, she had to start living it. And so she'd gone back to work, gone to few more of Nicky and Alex's parties and gotten her eating habits back in order. 

It was nice, being almost-normal again. 

She'd been working part time until last month, when she'd been pulled into the boss' office along with two others and told if she didn't "up" her "game" soon then she would be "let go". In other words, they were looking for any excuse to sack her. So she'd changed her hours back to full time again and was working over-time pretty much every day. She kept her head down and worked as hard as she could in the hopes it would take her off her boss' radar - losing her job is the last thing she needed when everything was just starting to fall back into place again. 

Admitedly she had lost the spark she once had for work. The whole thing just felt like a chore now, once it had been something she enjoyed. The only thing that made her get up in the mornings was the idea of talking to Alex on her way to work. Piper had made a habit of calling the other girl, it was nice having someone to talk to on her now freezing cold walks each morning. Especially someone like Alex who never seemed to run out of things to talk about and never seemed annoyed about the daily 8.30am calls.

Right now though, Piper was sat in one of the uncomfortable, leather seats in a hospital waiting room. Polly, notoriously interrupting everything as ever, had gone into labour a few hours ago. Piper had been in work debating whether to have a chicken sandwhich or some instant noodles for her lunch at the time when Pete had rung her in a panic. She'd told him to calm down and remember Polly's bag before hanging up and leaving work early for the day. Sure, the boss would be pissed but Piper was fairly sure that the birth of her best friends' child was more important than paper work. She'd ditched the noodles and sandwhich and made a wild dash home, changed from her uncomfortable work clothes and then driven over the speed limit the whole way to the hospital. 

She wasn't really sure why exactly she rushed down to the hospital because nothing was happening. Well, obviously something was happening - Polly was screaming and Pete was trying not to cry. But from where Piper sat, nothing was happening. The white walls and green floor of the hospital were boring and she'd read the poster about herpes at least ten times. _Boring, boring, boring._  

By the time Pete finally made an appearance the sun was set and Piper was on her third cup of coffee and seventh shitty magazine. She got straight up from her seat and dashed across the waiting room.

"It's a boy," Pete grinned at her, running a hand through his already ruffled hair. "Seven pounds, six ounces. He's perfect, Pipes." His grin grew wider as he spoke and Piper grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him into a tight hug. 

"Congratulations! Pete, are you crying?" She laughed from over his shoulder, the man had been saying for weeks that he would not be one of those Father's who cried at the birth of his child. 

"Shut up." 

 

* * *

 

Christmas day arrived fast and Piper was soon surrounded by decorations, food and presents that sat waiting to be wrapped. She had pretty much all the holiday off, partly from the hours she'd managed to save by working overtime but also because she managed to book two weeks off at the beginning of the year. Her and Larry had planned to spend the holiday away in Canada which, if everything had gone to plan, would have beautiful. Canada was a gorgeous country, especially at this time of year. 

But instead of the white mountains of Canada, Piper found herself looking up at the high cemetery gates, small snowflakes twirling around her head. She wasn't exactly sure how she had ended up here, she had left her flat for a walk before she had to go to Polly's for the holiday celebrations and now here she was. This was the first time since the end of July, since Larry had been buried, that she had been to this place - coming back to see him just hadn't crossed her mind, not once until today. God, he would be mad if he knew that, she thought as she pushed open the heavy iron gates and entered the cemetery.

The once lush, green grass was now covered in white frost and crunched under the foot of her winter boots. It was eerily silent, the only noise being the faint rustle of the trees as the winter wind pushed them around. She thought it would have been freaky, being in an empty cemetery in the middle of winter. But actually, it was peaceful. She could see now why Larry had always said he wanted to be buried, maybe being somewhere as peaceful of this for your afterlife wasn't so bad after all.

His grave was just under a willow tree nearer to the back of the large stretch of grass. It was totally cliche but it was a nice spot and it was the only thing Piper and Larry's parents had agreed on. 

It looked exactly the same as it had done back in July, only now it had a thin layer of snow upon it. A feeling of guilt bubbled in Piper's stomach as she looked at the black head stone. Larry had been here for five months and she hadn't been to see him once. If their places had been reversed, she knew he would have been up here everyday. Now she was here though, she wasn't sure what to do. In films people just spoke like the person was right in front of them... Well, Larry was right in front of her. Just six foot under in a wooden box. The thought of Larry's body, the body she once curled up to on stormy nights decomposing beneath weirded her out. Maggots and worms were probably crawling around inside him, soon he would be nothing but bones and the clothes he was buried in. Weird. 

After several minutes of staring at his engraved name, she decided to do what they did on the movies, even if it was a little awkward. She moved closer to the headstone and sat on the grass, the cold going straight through her jeans sending a shiver up her back. 

"Hey." Her voice was quiet. If he was here he'd tell her to stop being such a wimp. "Sorry I haven't been in so long..." The wind began to pick up now, it shook the willow tree that she sat under and blew the last remaining leaves onto the ground. _  
_

"I- um, I miss you." She spoke a little louder now, hot tears running down her freezing cheeks. "I miss you so much Larry. Everything is different without you around..." She brushed at her eyes as she thought of what else to say. Crying was not going to help, she had done enough crying to last her a life time these past few months. It was time she started being strong.

"I-er, I moved. I think you'd like it, it's really nice. It even has a balcony, it looks right out across the beach... Kinda expensive but like you always said, money is there to be spent... Um... Finn Harper was born a couple weeks ago, he's adorable. I'm not sure if I'm really cut out for Motherhood though, I couldn't deal with the waking up at five-am thing. I think you'd have been a great Dad though, really great." She smiled as she said this, it was true. He would have been a great Dad. 

She sat for a little while longer, her hands playing absent mindedly with the withered flowers that had here since God knows when. Despite what they say in the movies, she couldn't feel him there. She thought that maybe she would at least sense his presents a little bit but no. It was just her, wherever Larry was it wasn't here.

The cold turned her body numb and the snowflakes began to fall harder before she decided it was probably time to head home and get ready for Polly's. 

"Merry Christmas, Larry."  

 

* * *

 

Polly's house was ridiculously hot, the smell of cooking food and cinnamon filled the home. Almost everyone was here - Piper's Mother, Father and brother sat on the sofa along with Polly's parents and also Pete's parents. After a quick hello to her family who, apart from her brother, she hadn't seen since earlier in the year, she followed a rather stressed Polly through to the kitchen. 

She had Finn strapped in an adorable little baby-holder-thing (Piper had no idea what it actually was, just that it was adorable) to her front and was rushing around serveral pots on the stove. Piper was no expert but she was fairly sure this was not a safe situation. 

"Polly hang on, let me-" Piper dragged Polly away from the cooker before an accident happened, "give me Finn." 

"Really? Are you sure?" Polly raised her eyebrows, the stress in her face dropping for a second. The last time Piper had helpfully taken Finn off Polly's hands, the young baby had puked all down her soft wool jumper. And that was after he had cried for half an hour straight. Like Piper said earlier, she was obviously not cut out for Motherhood. Larry would have laughed and laughed at the thought of a baby spewing its guts all down Piper's front, it would have been the highlight of his year if not life. 

Piper looked down at the Christmas jumper she was currently wearing before pulling it off and holding her arms out. "Yes, I'm sure. Give him here." She reached out and pulled the baby from Polly's chest. He was a little heavier than he had been the last time she held him, he looked up at her with curiosity. "Hey Finn, remember me? I'm the lady you puked all over! Yes I am!" Piper cooed to the infant in her arms before looking back up at Polly, "so how is everything?" 

Polly sighed, "Pete hasn't shaved off his stupid I'm-not-getting-laid-for-a-year beard, my boobs hurt, my Mom won't stop moaning because I forgot to get the drink she likes and you're staring at me with that shit eating grin on your fucking face." 

"What? I'm not wearing a shit eating grin!" Piper dropped the smug smile on her face and pouted. 

"You are." Polly crossed her arms and stared at her best friend. 

"Okay, maybe I am a little bit..." Piper couldn't help it; normally the Christmas party was always held at hers and Larry's. Larry did the cooking and Piper did the hosting. The day always ran smoothly and Polly always laughed at how domestic they both were. Oh, she thought, how the tables have turned. This year it had been decided that due to Piper now being a man down and living in a smaller home, she would hold the New Years Eve party and The Harper's would do Christmas day. Which judging by the state of kitchen, wasn't going as smoothly as Polly had hoped. 

"Don't even say it, Chapman, do not even say it." Polly glared before turning back to stove and mixing a few pans. 

"I'm sorry," Piper tried pulling a serious face. "Is there anything I can do to help besides holding your baby?" 

"Er," Polly looked round the kitchen. "No," she eventually replied, "just go and see your family, you haven't seen them in ages." 

"It's fine I can stay out here and-" Piper pointed to a pot of carrots that needed peeling in the hope Polly would ask her to deal with them instead of going out to family time.

"No, go on get out. I know what you're up to and you can't hide in here all day, go on." Polly took Piper by the elbow and dragged her and baby Finn out of the kitchen and into the lounge. 

After an hour of awkward catching up and bad Dad jokes from Piper, Polly and Pete's Fathers and also Pete, dinner was ready. The table was covered with different dishes, Christmas crackers, candles and the nicest cutlery Piper had ever seen. She took a seat between her brother and, unfortunately, her Mother.

Once everyone had gathered a mountain of food on their plate (Piper had a bit of everything but the sprouts, she did not do sprouts), drinks were passed round. Pete held out a beer to Piper, his eyebrows raised as he waited for her response. Both The Harpers and Alex Vause had been trying to help reduce Piper's alcohol intake. Which was nice of them, they had her best interest at heart but it was also fairly annoying. She had taken their advice and had tried cut a lot of the booze she was drinking out but it was hard. Sometimes it was kinda nice to get away from her thoughts and wake up completely oblivious to what she'd done the night before.

Today though she was not planning on getting drunk. She would have one and that would be it until later in the evening. She took the iced bottle from Pete and thanked him, trying her best to ignore the look of disappointment in his face. 

"I thought you didn't like beer, Piper?" Carol Chapman squinted at her daughter. 

"Yeah Pipes. We thought you didn't like beer?" Cal chimed in, a grin spreading across his shit stirring face. 

"Well Mom, I didn't but then my boyfriend - the love of my life - died and I used drink to block out my feelings and met a cute bartender who is now one of my best friends. We had sex this one time when I was drunk but I regretted it and broke down in the middle of a cafe, but now I wanna get in her pants again. You see Mother, I just can't seem to make my mind up about how I feel about her. On one hand I want to fuck her brains out but on the other I'm still not over Larry and the guilt would eat me alive. Oh yeah that reminds me, she's a woman and I'm a bit gay. Sometimes I go to her house and get high with her coke addicted foster-sister and a girl with a weird neck tattoo. My life has fallen apart in front of my eyes so funnily enough yes, I do like beer now." Was exactly what Piper _wanted_ to say, just so she could see the look on the old bag's face. But she couldn't, this was Polly and Pete's house and upsetting either of them was not part of today's plan. So instead she just shrugged, downed a mouthful of the sweet drink and shoved a forkful of turkey into her mouth. 

Piper Chapman's plan for today was simple - don't start an argument. 

 

* * *

 

Christmas day had gone almost to plan, an argument had broken out towards the end of the evening when everyone had been slightly tipsy but Polly had reassured Piper that both she and Pete had found the whole thing hilarious. 

It was now six days later and Piper had a larger than she'd expected crowd of people in her house. Alex had come over a little earlier than everyone else and helped Piper arrange the drinks, food and move everything of value to a safe place (the back of the wardrobe). She had also brought Piper a small gift wrapped in pretty pink paper which Piper had been told to 'shut the fuck up' about, inside however was a honey candle and a beautiful necklace. Piper in return had rather guilty given her a box of chocolates, bottle of vodka and a card with a promise to get her something better soon in return. She had earned herself one of Alex's soft laughs so it was kinda worth it, even if she did look like a tight arse now. 

Polly and Pete had arrived soon after without Finn, they had dropped him off at Pete's parents for the night. Piper had raised her eyebrows at the sight of Pete without his I'm-not-getting-laid-beard to which Polly had rolled her eyes and patted her husband on the shoulder. By ten thirty, Nicky Nichols turned up along with Tricia and Morello, all three of them looked out of it already but they had brought a decent amount of alcohol with them, which made up it. A few more guests wandered in, a couple of the men from work Piper actually got along with, peoples' boyfriends and girlfriends, some of Larry's old friends, Cal and his crazy new girlfriend and various people she wasn't sure whether she or Alex had invited but had turned up with large amounts of food and drink. 

It was set out to be a great night. Alex had dragged her CD player and speakers over from her's, along with numerous CD's Piper had never heard of but seemed appropriate. She'd never held a New Years Party, she'd been to plenty but she was hardly aware of what the host actually did to make the night entertaining. Luckily Alex had held more than anyone could count and so prepared several games and ensure no fights happened once everyone had enough alcohol in their systems to cause them to do things they wouldn't normally. 

By midnight the most drunk in the room was definitely Polly who hung from a slightly annoyed looking Pete's side. Everyone crowded around the flat screen telly, watching as the count down in Times Square started. The atmosphere was buzzing, Piper stood between drunk Polly and Alex who had her arms hung over Piper and Nicky's shoulders. Personally, Piper couldn't wait to get the year behind her. It had started off beautifully and ended how she least expected. If someone had told her this time last year that one of the people who meant the most to her would be a fucked up, mysterious bartender then she would never have believed them. If they'd had also told her that the man she had planned to spend her forever with was going to die then she would have told them where to stick it - she would never have believed most of the events that happened this year to be true if she'd been warned about them.  

So here she was, it was a new year. The countdown was over and the roar of the crowd in Times Square erupted from the TV, couples around her dragged their partner closer and shared a kiss. Party poppers burst open around her and she was dragged into a hug by both The Harpers and a wasted Nicky. But other than that, she felt alone in a crowded room. Polly and Pete were dancing together. Cal sat on the sofa with his new girlfriend, each of them looking at each other in that gooey way new couples always did. Nicky and Morello despite 'not being together' were making out in the corner, everyone had someone to share the beginning of the New Year with. Everyone but Piper. 

A soft hand tugged on her shoulder, she was pulled round to face Alex who smiled gently.  

She wrapped her arms round Piper's shoulders and whispered in her ear, "happy New Year, Piper Chapman. May this one be better than your last, you deserve it." Her low voice drowned out the noise of the fireworks and cheering in the background. Piper pulled away and looked up at the woman she had known little over half a year. Alex Vause was possibly the best yet simultaneously one of the worst things to have happened to Piper. She wore the same top she had worn on the night Piper had gone to the bar to get drunk out of her mind. Her grey eyes held the same care they had when she'd asked Piper what the hell had happened. She smelt of the same hot mix of pot and coffee, the dim lights of the room masked the dimples in her cheeks and the laughter lines around her mouth and God, she was so beautiful. 

Maybe Piper's eyes lingered on Alex for a little too long because a frown pulled on the taller girl's face, "what?" 

And that's when it happened and Piper knew she would regret it because the guilt would eat her alive, and every thought said that this was the wrong thing to do and she was drunk and nothing good came out of big decisions when she was drunk. But also, she was drunk and there was no way she would do this sober, if everything went wrong then she could blame it on the drink. She was alone in a crowded room at midnight on New Year's and Alex Vause was in front of her and she was drunk and this was happening.

She grabbed the woman in front of her maybe a little too roughly and pressed her lips against Alex's cheery red ones. They were soft and hot and kissed back. _Holy shit, she was kissing back._

Piper's eyes fluttered shut as one of Alex's hands cupped her cheek, the other falling on Piper's waist. Alex's hair was just as soft in Piper's hands as it had been on the night they'd slept together, her mouth tasted of cigarettes and the sweetness of alcohol. Every thought of how this could be the worst mistake of the year that had only begun five minutes ago was abandoned and replaced with how right this felt. Before she hadn't noticed how Alex's lips felt so perfect against her own, maybe she had been too drunk and desperate to care, or maybe she'd had just been too broken by Larry's death to _want_ to notice. 

How long they stayed like this, kissing in a room of people some of whom were strangers to Piper, she wasn't sure. But it felt like years, like time slowed down and it was nothing but perfect. She could stay like this, with Alex against her forever. 

Alex was the one to pull away, she stood with her eyes closed for a second and her gentle hands still against Piper's cheek and waist. When she finally opened them though, they were wide and unreadable. She stared without saying anything but quickly removing her hands from their positions on Piper's body. Piper stared back, waiting for some kind of response.

"I... I've got to go." Alex stepped backwards, bumping into one of Piper's workmates before disappearing in the crowd of people. Piper stood, still staring at the spot where Alex had once been, the warmth she'd felt in her body a few seconds ago fading.

_What had she done?_


	6. Taking Steps Is Easy

_January_

It had been a week. One whole week since Piper had seen or heard from Alex.

One whole week since  _it_ happened. Piper refused to speak out loud about it. Partly because it was embarrassing like, what the fuck Piper? What were you thinking? Oh yeah, that's right. You were thinking about how beautiful Alex looked and how right you felt together and how you could actually have a future with this girl and how you shouldn't have thrown it all away that day in the cafe. That is what you were thinking, idiot. But also because she hadn't heard or seen Alex for a  _whole week._ And that wasn't like Alex, not at all. Even after she'd thrown everything in the girl's face, had said she wanted nothing to do with her, Alex still made an atempt to contact Piper. 

She'd fucked up so badly this time that even Alex Vause was ignoring her and there was no going back. 

Today she sat in Polly's bed. Baby Finn was sleeping in his nursery, Pete was out with Cal doing whatever it was they were doing and Polly was sat next to Piper. They each had a tub of Ben and Jerry's ice cream and were still wearing their pyjamas despite it being afternoon. Reruns of Real Housewives of Orange County were on back-to-back all day and Piper had no intentions of doing anything other than watching rich women bitch and filling her face with ice cream all day. All month. All year. For the rest of her life. 

"Piper, I know you don't wanna talk about it but-"

"Shut up Polly." Piper retorted for the fourth time today, Polly kept talking and Piper kept shutting her up. It was rude, Piper was sat in her bed eating her ice cream and Polly had a right to ask about it, but Piper just couldn't bring herself to even think about what happened never mind talk. 

"No," Polly continued, "this is a serious question and I'm asking it whether you like it or not. It's for your own good, trust me." She turned the telly down, earning herself a glare from the blonde next to her. "Have you actually tried calling her? Or Nicky at least?" 

Piper shoved a mouthful of ice cream in her mouth and sat back further in the sheets. No, she hadn't rung Alex. Why would she have done that? To make a fool of herself again? No thanks. 

"You're just waiting for her to call you, but what if she's doing the same?" Polly continued, ignoring Piper's miserable face. "What if she's moping around waiting for you to ring her?" 

"Why would she be doing that Polly? She ran out on me, remember?" Piper shoved another mouthful in as she spoke, all the manners she was taught when she was younger long forgotten. 

"You have no idea, do you?" Polly sat up, moving round in the bed so she was facing Piper. She didn't wait for a reply before she carried on. "Pipes, Alex likes you. I mean, she really,  _really_ likes you _._ And I'm not just saying that because you're my friend or because I think you'd both be adorable together, I'm saying it because it's true."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Piper stared past her friend, hoping that the blush on her face wasn't as obvious as it felt. 

"Piper Chapman are you blind?" Polly shouted with a mouthful of brownie ice cream. "Have you not noticed- no, forget that. Of course you haven't noticed, you're Piper 'I'm-Blind-As-Fuck' Chapman." Polly rolled her eyes. "The way she looks at you. I've never seen anyone look at someone like that before unless they're completely fucking in love. She never shuts up about you, seriously. I haven't spent much time with her, but the time that I did spend with her, God, all she spoke about was  _you._ Piper Chapman, she is so in love with you and don't you dare tell me you aren't in love with her too, because I know that you are."

Piper stared for a minute, the words Polly had said running round and round in her mind. She was about to open her mouth and explain how everything Polly just wasn't true. How Alex couldn't possibly be in love with her, how Piper couldn't be in love with Alex, how she wouldn't allow herself to be in love with Alex, when Polly spoke again.

"Oh Piper shut up." Polly raised her voice, her eyes serious as she stared at Piper. "I know what you're thinking right now, I can see it on your face. Larry is dead. End of. You have to move on and this girl, you deserve her Piper. But you don't deserve throwing away your happiness because of him. Do you want to be alone forever, wishing you were with some hot chick you denied yourself because you were too busy getting drunk and ignoring your feelings? Is that what you want?" 

Piper looked at Polly, the melting ice cream in her hand and the ladies of Orange County long forgotten. Suddenly it clicked, it all made sense inside Piper's brain. The last half a year she'd spent missing Larry, regretting her actions with Alex after the funeral and feeling guilty about wanting someone other than the man who she had once planned to marry, had all been a waste. She had wasted so much time feeling sorry for herself, she was wasting time _right now_ feeling sorry for herself.

"I- I've gotta go. I need to leave." She sprang from her position in the bed and ran round the room, the fluffy socks on her feet sliding against the wooden floor. 

"Where are you going?" Polly followed her friend out of the bedroom. "Are you even going to put some proper clothes on? Piper?!"

* * *

 

"Polly, I can't do it." Piper sat in her car, staring at the block of apartments opposite. 

"Yes you can. Look, just take a breath, calm down. Go in there and say what you feel, it'll come easy. You can do it, Piper Chapman." And with that Polly hung up, leaving Piper with a stomach full of nerves and two sweaty palms. 

_Just take a breath and it'll come easy._

 

* * *

 

After another ten minutes of sitting and staring up at the window which lead to Alex and Nicky's kitchen, Piper finally decided it was time she got a grip and faced Alex. When she did though, she had no idea what to say. Alex stared at her, her expression blank as she waited for Piper to give her an answer to the question "what do you want, Piper?" 

She eventually decided to voice the question which had been spinning round and round in her head since the party, "why did you run away?" She watched as Alex's face changed, her lips pursed and brow furrowed. There was silence between them, the only noise that of the traffic behind and the chirping of a few birds who sat hight up in the tree next to the apartment block. It was an uncomfortable silence, one that made Piper's stomach turn. 

Finally though, just as Piper was starting to think it would be better if she just turned and left, Alex spoke. Her voice was quiet, it sounded abnormal without the usual boldness and confidence it always held. 

"Piper," she began, looking up at the blonde at her door with sad eyes, "I'm so in love with you it hurts, Blondie. And I have tried, I have tried so fucking hard to pretend that I'm not because you told me that we'd never work. Because you don't feel the same way about me, you used me when you needed someone to help you forget about the pain you were in. I was okay with that though, I didn't mind hurting or being used so long as I could be your friend, be there for you, be around you." She was crying now, the fat tears rolling slowly down her soft cheeks and Piper wanted nothing more than to leaned forward and brush them away because Alex Vause crying wasn't suppose to happen.

"And then," Alex continued, "then you went and did... did  _that_ and you were drunk again and I can't pretend anymore Piper. I am in love with you, and it's eating me alive. I'm sorry, I just... I can't..." Her eyes drifted up to Piper's face momentarily before she shifted away from the door and pushed it closed, leaving Piper staring at the gold numbers which were nailed into the wood. 

She hadn't even got a chance to say what she'd wanted to say, but right now that didn't matter. Polly had been right. Alex loved her, was in love with her. Piper had been too busy wrapped up in her own little world, avoiding her thoughts with alcohol and occasionally drugs and sex. She'd been so busy thinking about what she'd had with Larry, what she could have had with Larry, that she'd been completely oblivious to Alex's feelings. She'd messed the girl around big time. It had taken her this long to realise how in love she was with Alex and she wasn't about to throw it all away. Again. 

It was about time Piper did something right. She took another deep breath and knocked on the door again. 

This was it. Fight or flight. 

 

* * *

 

 

"Piper-" Alex began, a sigh escaping her lips as she spoke, but Piper cut her off.

It was the same feeling she'd had at the party when she gone to kiss Alex, the same pile of nerves in her stomach, the same adrenaline and need coursing through her blood. Except this time she was sober.

She pushed aside the door and stepped straight towards Alex, pressing her lips against the dark haired woman's and cupping her face in her hands. The tear trails that ran down Alex's soft cheeks dampened Piper's palms and she couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt; she had caused that pain. 

At first Alex resisted, but then hot hands were tracing the skin under Piper's top, running along her hips and up towards her chest and she couldn't help the moan that escaped her lips as Alex's tongue forced it's way passed her lips and into her mouth. Piper's hands fell from their position, her fingers pulling at the hem of Alex's baggy t-shirt. "Off." She muttered, pulling away from Alex for a moment. Fire blazed in those cool, grey eyes that only minutes ago were filled with tears and hurt. Piper hoped that her's were the same because God, she wanted this. She wanted this so badly and she hoped Alex knew that. 

Alex smirked at her, her eyes tracing Piper's face for a second before she pulled her hands from under Piper's top and pulled her own one quickly over her head. Piper followed suit, taking off her pyjama top. She looked at Alex and suddenly wished she'd listened to Polly's advice and gotten changed before she'd come over. Alex wore a beautiful lacy bra, it framed her chest perfectly and was simply gorgeous. She also wore matching underwear, apparently she'd had no bottoms on underneath the over sized top she'd been wearing five seconds ago. Piper however, wore a rather unattractive white thing. It did nothing for her figure and looked like something her Grandmother would wear. Alex stared at her as the blush creeped up her cheeks. 

"It's comfortable!" She muttered defensively, crossing her arms over her chest. 

"Yeah, I bet." Alex laughed. She stood and looked at Piper, her fingers twirling around a strand of the other girl's blonde hair. "Are you sure about this, Pipes? I don't want you to think you have to do this because you feel sorry for me or-" Her sentence was cut short by another kiss from Piper. A kiss that said yes, I want this, I want to be here, I want you. Alex smiled, the confidence returning to her face. She brushed the hair she had been playing with behind Piper's ear and picked up her hand in her own. 

"Come on." Her voice was soft and low as she guided Piper through the apartment and into her bedroom. The room was the same shade of white and held the same warmth that before had caused Piper to panic. The sun fell through the window and straight onto the bed, a welcoming, slightly cold breeze blew the curtains and the air smelt of strawberry body wash. On the bedside table sat an empty mug, a picture of Alex and what looked like her Mother, and a half-read copy of  _The Time Machine._ Small details that before Piper had never seen she was beginning to notice; the last time she'd been here she'd been 1) steaming drunk and 2) looking to use Alex and leave. But this time, this time it meant everything. Being with Alex, being in her room, looking at her beautiful figure and feeling right. It meant the world to Piper and she wanted to remember every second of it.  

She pushed Alex onto the bed, watching as the mattress bounced under the impact before getting onto the bed herself and placing her legs either side of Alex.

Piper wanted to destroy her, to perform the dirtiest acts on the girl underneath her. She wanted to hear Alex scream, she wanted to make her scream. She watched as Alex's lips curved into a smile, almost as if she were reading Piper's thoughts. The edges of her eyes creased and laughter lines pulled at her cheeks. The winter sun covered her face, illuminating her deep eyes, the freckles on her skin and the fine hairs that covered her body. Old eyeliners sat in the corners of her eyes and tracks run through the thin layer of foundation from the tears that had earlier been spilt because of Piper, yet her cheeks were a rosy red. Her long black hair sat messily around her head against the white bed sheets, the tattoos on her body sitting boldly against the paleness of her skin as her chest rose and fell with each breath. She was without a doubt, Piper thought, completely and utterly beautiful. 

"What?" Alex frowned, looking up from where she lay. 

Piper reached for the hands that were on her thighs and threaded her fingers through Alex's, pinning the girl beneath her's arms above her head on the mattress. "Nothing." Piper whispered, freeing one of her hands before placing a long kiss against the girl's lips and slipping her now free hand into Alex's pants. 

 

* * *

 

 

The sky outside was dark, the moon and stars shinned brightly and the clouds that were earlier predicted had begun to move in. The sound of the traffic outside had faded as the evening went on, people returning back to their homes for the night to prepare for the next week ahead at work, school, college. 

Piper Chapman lay with Alex Vause lovingly wrapped up in her arms, the white bed sheets wrapped round her naked body and Alex's breath hot in the crease of her neck. She watched as Alex's eyes fluttered behind her closed lids and her mouth hung open, small snores rattling her chest. Alex sleeping was adorable, there was no way Piper could ever deny that. Sleep was pulling at her own eyes as she fought to stay awake, she wanted to watch Alex all night. She wanted to remember the shape of her face, the pattern of her heartbeat and breaths. Slipping down the mattress slightly, she moved closer and placed her forehead against Alex's. 

"I love you." Piper spoke softly to Alex, whose eyes fluttered open and fell straight into Piper's endless greens.

"I heart you too." Alex replied, her voice thick with sleep, a small smile tugging on the corners of her lips. Piper laughed, placing a kiss on top of Alex's forehead and wrapping her arms tighter around the girl's waist before giving in and allowing sleep to drag her eyes shut. 

 


	7. Standing Still Is Hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so here it is, the last chapter! thank you so much to everyone who has read, commented, liked and maybe even shared this story - i never in a million years expected anyone to read it. i've had such a great time writing this and i hope you've all had just as much fun reading it.
> 
> thank you again, you lovely people <3

_ July_

A lot had changed since the beginning of the year. For a start, Alex had moved in with Piper. Piper had asked her one March evening when they'd been watching a shitty horror movie at Alex's place. At first Alex had simply stared at her and Piper feared she'd just put her foot in things  _again._ However, after what felt like forever for Piper, Alex eventually answered with a nod of her head and a warm kiss. She'd moved in the next week with boxes and boxes full of stuff that Piper worried wouldn't fit in her small apartment. Alex had managed to find a place for everything though, and now the bookshelf was full of her fantasy books and Piper's crime and romance novels (which Alex had repeatedly called boring). 

Once they had both settled in, Piper eventually summoned the courage to ring her parents and invite them over for dinner with her and Alex. Partly because they had been nagging Piper for ages about coming over, but also because they would find out about her and Alex eventually, and Piper would prefer it came from her rather than one of her Mother's bitchy friends or her brother. Today was the day, and the worry that Piper had being bottling up about her parents' reaction made her head feel like it was going to explode.

"It's going to be fine!" Alex muttered for the hundredth time, wrapping her arms around Piper's waist from the back as she cut up carrots and onions ready for the dinner. Piper had decided to cook her parents' favourite dish, steak, in the hopes that tonight's news would go down better if they both were concentrating on their lumps of meat more than their daughter's words. 

"You should be tidying, Vause." Piper replied. Alex had agreed to tidy the house up so long as she didn't have to help with the cooking. Piper had quickly learnt that Alex and cooking didn't go down well unless there was bacon involved. 

"I know, but I got boredddd." Alex rested her head on Piper's shoulder.

"Well there's a bunch of potatoes that need peeling and washing in the sink, go and do them if you're that bored." Alex groaned at this response and buried her head in Piper's neck, placing a soft kiss on her warm skin and breathing in her scent. As ever, she smelt sweet and lovely and Alex didn't think she could ever get bored of Piper's smell, even if they lived forever. 

"Can't you entertain me?" She muttered, placing another kiss on Piper, and another, and another, each time getting higher up her neck. "Just for a few minutes?" She spoke softly, her delicate hands slipping under Piper's top and onto her bare skin. 

"Alex..." Piper whispered, putting down the vegetables and knife in her hands. She twisted round in Alex's arms so she was facing the brunette, draping her arms over Alex's shoulders and sighing. "My parents are going to be here in two hours and you're still in your pyjamas and the food is nowhere near ready, and the table isn't set and there's a million things we still have to do." The frustration in Piper's voice was clear. This was so stupid, all of it. She didn't want her parents coming round, she didn't want to cook or clean for them and she didn't really want them finding out about Alex. 

Alex smiled, her glasses slipping down her nose slighting. "You're such a drama queen," she said, leaning in and kissing Piper. 

"Go," Piper almost shouted, pulling away from the soft kiss and squirming out of Alex's hands. "I'm all yours tonight, okay?"

"Promise?" 

"Promise. Now go!" Piper pointed towards the lounge. Alex rolled her eyes, slumped her shoulders and shuffled off back into the other room. 

Two hours later and Piper and Alex sat awkwardly at the dinner table with Piper's parents. Alex had decided to wear the same Rolling Stones top she'd worn the first time her and Piper had met, and a pair of ridiculously skinny ripped jeans. Piper had laughed as her Mother looked Alex up and down, a slight look of disgust spread across her face as she unwillingly shook hands with her. And just to amuse Piper even further, she'd left Alex alone with her parents in the lounge whilst she served dinner. Judging by her Mum's face when Piper had returned to tell them dinner was on the table, she hadn't been too impressed with Alex and Piper's Father's topic choice of discussion. 

Piper had broke the news of her new relationship five minutes ago when her parents had asked her if there had been any news lately in her life. The plan of giving them steak in the hope they would be paying more attention to _it_ rather than _her_ , hadn't really worked. At least not for her Mother. 

"So," Mrs Chapman began, twisting her fork in her hand and a frown creasing her already wrinkly forehead, "you're lesbians?" 

"Yes." Both Alex and Piper said at the same time, exchanging glances as they did. 

"And you two are... dating?" She put her fork down, looking Alex up and down again awkwardly. 

"Yes."

"But you were with Larry?" Her frown increased, "were you a lesbian then too?" 

"No." 

"But then how does-" 

"For Christ's sake," Piper's Dad cried. He'd been silent for almost the whole meal, occasionally rolling his eyes or glancing towards Alex, but apart from that he'd showed no emotion towards his daughter's sudden life change. "Piper," he said a little more calmly, "are you happy?" Piper nodded because yes, she was the most happy she'd been in months. "Does Alex treat you well?" Piper nodded again, Alex treated her like a damn princess. He nodded, now turning to Alex. "Same with you, you're happy? My daughter treats you well?" Alex replied with a yes to both these questions, smiling as she did. 

"Then that settles it." He said, putting down his knife and fork. "Welcome to the family, Alex. I really am sorry about my wife." He jabbed a finger towards Piper's Mother and rolled his eyes again, earning himself a scowl. 

"Yes, but-" Carol continued, unable to keep her nose out of her daughter's business. 

"Would you just leave them alone, Carol? They're both happy, leave them be!" He shook his head, picked up his knife and fork again and shoved half a potato into his mouth. Mrs Chapman shut her own mouth and instead continued to glare at her husband, who happily ignored her and shoved a lump of steak in. Alex took a long look at both of Piper's parents before exchanging amused glances with Piper. 

"I'll just go and- er, check on desert..." Alex slowly got up from the table and headed for the kitchen, leaving Piper in the awkward silence alone. 

 

* * *

 

 

Five days later and The Harpers, Cal and his now-fiancee and Piper and Alex were all down at the beach opposite the girl's apartment. It was Cal's birthday and so they were having a celebration.

Pete and Cal both stood around the small throwaway barbecue, the smell of burgers and sausages filled the hot air. From what Piper could hear, they were discussing the best way to cook pork. Polly and Alex both sat in the sun with Cal's girlfriend, excitedly discussing wedding plans and drinking the cocktails Alex had made. That was one advantage of dating a bartender, she made the best drinks. Piper had given up alcohol for a while (not forever, she didn't think she could ever do that), and Alex had made sure that there were no alcoholic drinks in the flat at all. Instead she'd stocked up on fruit juices and different flavoured lemonades, telling Piper that the best drinks were the healthy ones. She was right of course, Piper did feel healthier since giving up the drink and getting her diet back in order. Her mind and thoughts were healthier and her body was healthier - she could actually run up the stairs to the apartment now without getting out of breath.

Apparently Piper's brother was planning an Autumn hippy-themed wedding that was going to take place in some woods Piper had never heard of. Of course, Piper and Cal's Mother was least impressed with her son's choice of theme and venue, never mind his choice of future bride. Judging by the last phone call Piper had with her Father however, it sounded like he gave her the same "they're happy, leave them be" talk that he'd had with her when they'd been round for dinner which had apparently shut Carol up. Piper couldn't help but feel proud of him. 

Today she sat in the shade with baby Finn, who had handfuls of sand and a little white nose from the ridiculous amount of sun cream Polly had insisted on putting on him, despite the fact they were both sat in the shade. He was one of the cutest babies Piper had ever seen, and she wasn't just saying that because she was his God Mother. He had perfect little round cheeks and chubby rolls along his arms. Finn was one of those babies that was always smiling, just like his parents. He made Piper almost wish she had kids herself. After all, that had always been the plan. Nice job, nice house, nice husband, nice kids, nice life. But clearly that hadn't worked out. Who knows though, maybe one day her and Alex would have kids, and they would live in nice house and go out for bike rides and dog walks. Maybe one day.

"You wanna make another sandcastle?" Piper cooed, drawing her attention back to Finn as she patted another load of damp sand into the castle shaped bucket. She carefully turned it upside down on the already flattened out sand. "Come on then," she gently took Finn's hand in hers, "give it the magic tap!" Finn grinned up at her as she tapped his hand against the top of the bucket four times. He slapped his little chubby hands together and rocked in excitement at the sight of the perfect sandcastle. Piper was fairly impressed herself, it was a pretty good castle. 

She was about to dig up another load of damp sand to fill the bucket when a voice made her jump. "You're good with kids." Alex Vause smiled at her as she sat down cross-legged on the soft grains, her sunglasses hanging from her bikini top and hair tied messily back behind her head. 

"Can I help you?" Piper's eyes scanned Alex's half naked body as she spoke. 

"You'd be a good Mum," Alex observed, ignoring Piper's question and taking one of Finn's little hands in hers. 

"Would you wanna be a Mum?" Piper asked the question without thinking it through. Her and Alex had never discussed children before, it had never really come up. Plus, they'd only know each other for a year. _F_ _or Christ's sake Piper._ _  
_

Alex's grey eyes flicked up to Piper. "Sure," she said casually, "if it was what you wanted."

"Really?"  _Nice job, nice house, nice ~~husband~~ wife, nice kids, nice life. _

"Really, Pipes." Alex laughed, she reach over and picked up Piper's hand linking her fingers through the blonde's. "How many were you planning to make by the way?" She nodded in the direction of the mass of sandcastles. 

"They just sort of... happened." Piper shrugged, smiling as Alex's noise crinkled and her sweet laugh filled the air. 

"Okay, whatever you say. Anyway, I was ordered over by Pete who says lunch is ready and you should prepare yourself for the best burgers you have ever eaten." She grinned. Alex got along with Pete and Cal like a house on fire and Polly had started calling her 'one of the lads'. They all had the same sense of humour, and much to the annoyance of the other girls, were constantly cracking terrible jokes and performing ridiculous pranks on each other. 

"Come on, let's take you back to your Mummy for some yummy food!" Alex took Finn under his arms and carried him on her hip as Piper collecting the different buckets and spades. She stood back and watched for a few minutes as Alex returned back to the group. Polly smiled brightly, opening her arms wide and taking her son. Alex returned back to her conversation with Pete that was probably about some kind of nerdy thing Piper had no intentions of even trying to understand. Her brother stood with his arms wrapped around his fiancee, his chin resting on her shoulder as they spoke quietly among themselves. 

It was almost impossible to ignore the warmth that grew in her stomach as she watched them - her family. A year ago she thought she'd lost it all, she thought she was losing those who mattered the most, yet here they were. Larry was missing, but the others weren't. A year ago she thought she'd never be okay again, that everything would never be okay again. She thought that her life was over and she was destined for a future alone with nothing but alcohol for company. 

Yet here she was, on the beach with the people she loved most and everything was okay.

_Piper was finally okay._

 

* * *

 

The light bed sheets stuck to her sweaty body. Piper rolled over onto her side and squeezed her eyes shut in the hopes to eventually fall asleep. The last time she'd read the clock it had been 3.04am, but that felt like a life time ago now. The sun would probably start to rise soon, casting an orangey glow of the new day along the white walls of the bedroom. Everyone else in the city was asleep, the only noise was that of the gentle waves of the sea, Alex's heavy breathing and the mush of thoughts in Piper's brain. 

Exactly today one year ago, she was in bed with Larry for the last time. This morning would have been their last together. The last time he ate breakfast, the last time they kissed, the last time he drove to work. He had a few hours left on the earth and neither of them even knew about it. Piper sometimes wondered whether he'd had a feeling, maybe if somewhere deep down in his gut he knew something was going to happen. In a way she hoped he didn't. 

The small breeze the came from the open window was no help at all, neither was the small fan that sat on the dressing table. How Alex was asleep in this heat, Piper had no idea. Another thing she had quickly learnt about Alex was that she could fall asleep anywhere, and quickly. Whether it was in the cinema, on the bus - anywhere. If Alex Vause wanted to sleep, then Alex Vause slept. 

Piper could feel the aching in the side of her temples, heat and lack of sleep was the perfect combination for a horrible headache. Slowly, she untangled herself from the bed sheets and slipped out of the room, the cold of the wooden floor welcoming. The lounge was flooded in the light of dawn, outside the sun was just starting to appear from behind the sea. 

She unlocked the doors to the balcony and stepped outside, the fresh air cooling her sticky body. The beach was empty, the only thing occupying it was a few stray birds. She often wished she were a bird, free to go anywhere and do anything. No worries, no nothing. 

Shuffling footsteps caused Piper to tear her eyes away from the birds in front of the sunrise. Behind her Alex stood in the door way, an over sized top hung over her underwear and her hair stuck out in odd positions. She rubbed her eyes before walking out on the balcony.

"Couldn't sleep?" She asked, her voice still full of sleep. Piper shook her head, looking back out towards the sunrise. "I'll go and make some tea." She gave Piper's arm and squeeze before shuffling away to kitchen.

In a few hours time, Piper thought, she would have been up at the hospital. A fair haired nurse sat next to her, saying nothing just staring at Piper with sympathetic eyes. And Piper would have been denying everything, wishing that the words she'd just been told weren't true and that they'd got the wrong guy. That Larry was fine and was back home drinking that awful coffee he liked so much. 

Several minutes later, Alex returned, two mugs of steaming mint tea in her hands. 

"Here." She pressed one of the mugs into Piper's hands and leaned against the balcony next to her. "You okay?" 

"Yeah, I'm fine." Piper nodded again, taking a sip of the sweet tea. Alex nodded, although she was frowning in the way she when she knew Piper was lying. 

In a weeks time, she thought, she would go to a crappy bar in the other end of town. She would sit down on one of the dirty little stools and drink ridiculous amounts of some kind of watermelon vodka mix. Then Alex Vause would step into her life, with her thick framed glasses and glittering eyes. She would tell Piper to wait for her shift to end, take her home and feed her bacon and wash her clothes the next day. 

Piper couldn't help the goofy smile that spread across her face. 

"What?" Alex asked, looking at Piper oddly. "What are you smiling at?" 

Piper laughed, looking down at her bare feet before up at Alex again. "You." 

"Me? What did I do?" Alex pouted. 

Piper laughed again. "Nothing, you just... Thank you." 

Alex let out a gentle laugh. "For what?" She asked. 

For not giving up on me, for putting up with me. For being understanding and patient, _F_ _or saving me._ "Everything"Piper muttered, pulling Alex away from the balcony so she could press a kiss against the bartender's soft lips.  "For being inevitable." She whispered resting her forehead gently against Alex's, her hand cupped lovingly against her girlfriend's cheek. "I fucking love you, Alex." 

"I fucking love you too, Blondie." 


End file.
